


Prevenient

by bazooka



Series: Vintage Bakery [1]
Category: Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Demisexual Moon Jae Shin, Epistolary, Multi, Pansexual Gu Yong Ha, Romantic Comedy, Vintage Bakery AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-19 03:52:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 27,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2373476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazooka/pseuds/bazooka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part One, in which: Moon Jae Shin is drafted into the South Korean military and is posted in a small town to shuffle paperwork; Gu Yong Ha graduates university at the top of his class and takes time off to travel; a high risk situation results in miscommunication; contact is unexpectedly cut off; Moon Jae Shin buys a cup of coffee which he does not intend to drink. Told almost exclusively in epistolary fashion.</p><p>A modern-day AU in three parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I always did love a man in uniform

**Author's Note:**

> This AU was built out of three basic concepts: a) how would Moon Jae Shin's character change if the death of his brother left him directionless rather than driven?; b) what would Gu Yong Ha's life look like if there had been no avenue for his father to buy a noble lineage?; c) how would modern-day South Korea's mandatory conscription affect their friendship? Main plot is from Antique Bakery (so if you've watched it, congratulations - you pretty much know what's going on!), but includes bits and pieces I've stolen from a number of other sources, which I'll cite as they pop up.
> 
> Please pay little to no attention to the wordcount in part one. Due to the nature of epistolary fiction a surprisingly large chunk of the wordcount is just pretend email formatting.
> 
> Currently this fic is still unfinished, though it's close. I'll be posting chapters in chunks to give myself a buffer for finishing it up.

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 1**  
**Subject: I always did love a man in uniform**

Did you know I used to think university courses were hard? Turns out that when you're only doing work for one person it's not so bad.

How's the army treating you? Have you gotten any medals for bravery? Have you died yet? If you die, can I have your stuff?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 2**  
**Subject: Re: I always did love a man in uniform**

The army is the most boring place in the entire world. And yes, before you ask, I'm counting Professor Yoo's Analects class. If I die it'll be due to acute papercuts. Or being frozen alive by the sergeant's death glares. Or maybe by ritual suicide.

Do people get medals anymore? Can you get medals for Most Papers Filed?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 4**  
**Subject: Re: Re: I always did love a man in uniform**

What, they didn't take one look at you at the enlistment office and immediately go: "shit, son, you're the toughest son of a bitch we've ever seen, we're putting you at the top of the 707th Special Mission Battalion, go and raise hell"

Ha ha, just kidding. You look like a fourteen year old with your hair buzzed.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 7**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: I always did love a man in uniform**

That's hilarious. When I go on leave you owe me sixteen drinks.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 8**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: I always did love a man in uniform**

Does it really count as a drink if you just end up pouring it directly down the front of your shirt?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 9**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I always did love a man in uniform**

Twenty drinks. And barbecue. Beef.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 9**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I always did love a man in uniform**

I'm starting a savings account for the express purpose of buying you drinks. Do you think a monthly automatic transfer of 100,000 won will be enough? I don't want to come up short.

Also does this mean that I have carte blanche to say whatever rude things I want and I can just pay off my balance with alcohol later? Because if so I have a few things saved up.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 10**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I always did love a man in uniform**

No.

I'm starting to figure out why you were always getting beat up in middle school. I'm also starting to regret preventing you from being beat up in middle school.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 12**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I always did love a man in uniform**

Final exams are coming up so I'm not going to be online much. School is easier when I'm only doing work for one but I still have to keep up that GPA if I want your mom to compare you to me all the time and make you feel bad about yourself.

Don't die. If you died I would be sad.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 13**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I always did love a man in uniform**

Like you have anything to worry about.

I'd be sad if I died too.


	2. Are you alive?

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 2**   
**Subject: Are you alive?**

Hey, punk. Did you make it through finals? Did Professor Yoo eat your entrails for breakfast? He looks like the type to eat students alive for disappointing him on final exams.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 4**   
**Subject: Re: Are you alive?**

If he eats students for failing exams how did you live long enough to graduate?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 5**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Too many muscles, not enough fat. Too stringy. Too much vinegar. Plus I drink too much so I'm practically pickled.

You're chubby, he'd like you.

So did you make it?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 8**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

No fair making jokes about yourself. That's my job. And anyway I'm not chubby, your mom says I'm gorgeous.

Of course I made it. I'm Gu Yong Ha. Top of the class until the day I die.

How's the paper shuffling going? I didn't want to bug you, I know it's really exciting. Full of drama. You're probably getting post-traumatic stress as we type. When you come home you can sleep in my bed when you get nightmares.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 15**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

If all it took to get me into your bed was a couple nightmares we'd be married by now. Don't be gross.

My mom lies. She just feels bad for you. She told me just the other day that she feels bad that you're never going to find a wife because you're so terrible. I tried to defend you, but you know how she can be.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 15**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

That's not what your mom said last night.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 15**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Excuse me?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 15**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Last night. Your parents came over for dinner. Your mom said I'm gorgeous and that if she wasn't already married she'd be over here every day. What? What did you think I meant?

Don't worry, you know my heart belongs to you. Although your mom is a very, very beautiful woman... I think you take after her. You have her eyes.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 19**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

If Professor Yoo hasn't eaten your still-beating heart from your chest by the time I get home I'm tempted to do it for him.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 21**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Are you flirting with me?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 23**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Is that what flirting looks like to you? Jesus. Don't date anyone until I'm out of the army. I don't want to come home and find out that you've been cannibalized by a girlfriend.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 23**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Why? Is it because you'd rather be the one to cannibalize me?

Actually no. Don't respond to that. This is a terrible conversation and I'm pre-emptively blaming you for any and all night terrors I may experience over the next 72 hours. Please do not eat me.

  
**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 24**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

I CAN'T SLEEP. THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 24**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Are you twelve years old? Calm down. I probably won't eat you... while you're awake.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 25**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

You're the worst.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 27**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Oh - my dear young friend  
Someday you'll understand that  
I'm the very best.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 28**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

A haiku? Cute. How's this:

There once was a jackass named Shin  
Whose friend's patience was wearing quite thin -  
When he went off to war  
(And indeed, what a chore!)  
His friend took his mom for a spin.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 30**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Once there was an asshole named Yong Ha  
Whose name didn't rhyme with very many things that I can think of right now  
But anyway he was a jerk  
something something  
I hate limericks

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: July 31**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

That's the best thing I've ever read in my whole life. I'm going to print it out and frame it. My descendants will pass it down through generations.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: August 1**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Glad you still think I'm good for something.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: August 2**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Of course you're good for something. Who else is going to put up with my bullshit?

Don't tell anyone I said so, but you are actually pretty much the best.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: August 4**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

Field exercises for the next few weeks. Lucky I could get to the computer at all - leaving in three minutes.

Army sucks. Don't die. If you died I would be sad.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: August 4**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?**

If three and a half years of university weren't enough to kill me do you really think one last semester is going to do me in? I packed all my easiest classes into this last term. I'm just going to coast through.

Send me an email when you're back on base. I miss hearing from you when you're not around.


	3. It's the middle of the night

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 14**  
**Subject: It's the middle of the night**

And I can't sleep.

I realized something about your name today. Moon Jae Shin. Munjae. Shin. You're the god of problems. A problem god. A god who is a problem. A god who gives problems to people. If there is a problem, you are its god.

If I'd realized this ten years ago we probably wouldn't be friends now, just saying. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy if you ask me.

Kidding, kidding. You know I love you.

  
**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 15**  
**Subject: Re: It's the middle of the night**

Aren't you back from field exercises yet?

  
**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 16**  
**Subject: Re: Re: It's the middle of the night**

It's been a few weeks already. Tell your sergeant you have very important business to attend to. Your best friend is dying of boredom and you're the only one who can save him.

  
**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 16**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: It's the middle of the night**

Okay fine, it's only been 13 days. Putting all my easy classes into one term was a mistake. I have no homework to do and my best friend is off somewhere else and I have no one interesting to drink with.

I think my new roommate (you know, that guy I had to allow into my life when you abandoned me) has permanently moved into his girlfriend's dorm room while still managing to leave all of his dirty underwear on my side of the room.

You used to leave your dirty underwear on my side of the room too but at least you had the decency to keep me company while I complained about it. He's just off having sex or something. You never had sex! What a great guy. You were a really stellar roommate when you weren't drunkenly vomiting on things, you know.

  
**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 19**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: It's the middle of the night**

16 days. It's the middle of the night again. Roommate has definitely moved out and definitely left his underwear for dead.

I really miss you.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 21**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It's the middle of the night**

18 days.

I was thinking about just waiting for your next couple emails to see what you would say. Through the course of the thread I've gotten kind of invested in the legend of your roommate's underwear. I have 23 roommates in the barracks and they all smell worse than me, if you can believe it, so count yourself lucky.

Also you did realize that about my name ten years ago. It was one of the first things you said to me, after: "thank you for saving my life from those hoodlums, how can I ever repay you." So anyway, maybe the reason we're still friends is because you owe me your life. Just saying.

The army still sucks but I have a great tan now. I can't say anything about what we did but it was really cool and you're jealous.

Sorry your easy term isn't working out. At least the next time I'm on leave you have some drunken debauchery to look forward to. How's that savings account coming along? Are you prepared to blow all your hard-earned cash on the biggest hangover your best friend has ever had in his life?

I miss you too, you big weirdo.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 21**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It's the middle of the night**

18 days! What the hell, did they have you out leveling the mountain range or something? Just kidding, I know it's top secret.

You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to that drunken debauchery. No idea. My easy A term has turned into the term from hell. Why couldn't you have taken an extra two years to graduate instead of just one? SKKU is only fun when you're here to raise hell with me.

Seriously though. When are you coming home?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 23**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It's the middle of the night**

Two more weeks. Do you think you can survive your Easy A Term From Hell for two more weeks? Keep in mind I haven't had a drink in... in a really long time. You're probably going to have to carry me home.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 24**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It's the middle of the night**

Whatever, I'll just get a cab.

Two weeks? For real? Shit, I have to transfer more money. Just give me a date and I'll get the guys together.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 26**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It's the middle of the night**

September 9th. I don't want to hang out with a bunch of people though, I'm with people all the time here even when I'm asleep and I'm sick of it. Let's just hang out like old times. Remember? Back when we didn't have any friends? They were the best of times, they were the worst of times. Mostly the best because people are terrible.

Remember, you owe me at least 20 drinks and beef barbecue. Maybe more, after that limerick. I'll have to get to the bottom of that 20 and see how forgiving I feel from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Korean there's this construction where you can say "God of [insert word here]" and it's great. _Munjae_ means "problem" and (in this context) _shin_ means "god" - 문제의 신.  
>  But this really only works if you don't know how to spell.


	4. First Interlude - September

"Shh," Gu Yong Ha hissed between his teeth, key skittering over the doorknob before finally sliding home. "I don't know if my roommate is in here."

"Who cares?" Moon Jae Shin slumped on Yong Ha's shoulder, eyes mostly closed. "He sounds like a dick anyway."

"I'm the one who has to live with him." The key turned, thank god, and the door clicked open.

Jae Shin very nearly fell off Yong Ha's shoulder and slammed the side of his body into the door, his weight yanking the door knob out of Yong Ha's hand. "You think I wouldn't defend your honor?" He grinned that lopsided smile as he leaned against the door. "I've been defending your honor for ten years, Yong Ha. 'S not like a few months in the army's gonna' change that."

"It's nice that you think I have honor," Yong Ha said, shoving Jae Shin aside to grope around for a light switch. "Ah, shit - that's bright, fuck."

"No roommate," Jae Shin said. He took three wobbly steps into the narrow dorm room, peering studiously at the floor. "I feel like you've misled me about the state of your room. Look at all this space. Hardly any underwear."

Yong Ha closed the door and threw the deadbolt before leaning against the door frame to watch Jae Shin stagger towards his bed. "I picked up the place. I mean, who knows, maybe I'd bring a girl back here."

There was a moment of uncertainty before Jae Shin managed to overbalance just enough to tip over onto Yong Ha's bed, hitting the mattress and bouncing a little before settling. "You'd never bring a girl home," Jae Shin mumbled into the covers. "You always go home with them." Then he rolled until his back was pressed against the cool, white wall, and grinned, eyes closed, hand patting the bed next to him. "Yong Ha. It's bed time."

"I might bring a girl home these days," Yong Ha said, not moving from his place by the door. "I have the room to myself. Anyway, you're drunk."

"Somebody insulted my mother and owed me twenty drinks," Jae Shin mumbled. "You might know him. He's a huge jerk. Thinks he's tough shit."

Yong Ha's resolve cracked and he grinned despite himself. "He sounds like a guy I know." He kicked off his shoes. Moved to his nightstand, turned on the lamp. Turned off the overhead light. Sat down on the bed next to Jae Shin. "If you throw up in my bed I'm throwing you out into the cold."

"It's September," Jae Shin grunted. "It's not cold. It was 26 out today."

"Well, whatever it is, you'll be getting thrown out into it."

"Mm."

Yong Ha glanced down at Jae Shin's face, half hidden in the blanket. He looked like he was already asleep (which made sense - it was nearly 3 in the morning and they'd been drinking since 5pm the day before) but Yong Ha knew better; Jae Shin didn't relax like that when he was asleep. Asleep, his eyes would be shut tight. His jaw would be clenched. His hands would be curled into fists. "You look weird," he said, and reached out to rub his palm over Jae Shin's short-cropped hair. "You're all dark skinned and buzzed. Doesn't the army know that your good looks are all you've got going for you?"

Jae Shin grimaced and buried his head further down in the blanket. "That feels weird."

"Tell me about it. Why did I do that? My palm itches now." Yong Ha rubbed his hand vigorously on his thigh. "Serves me right."

Jae Shin sighed and pulled on one of Yong Ha's belt loops. "It's time to sleep. Let me sleep."

"Yeah, yeah." Yong Ha turned on the bed so he was facing Jae Shin and start rifling through the pockets of his jacket. "Where are your sleeping pills?"

"In my bag," Jae Shin said.

 _Oh. Shit._ Yong Ha didn't remember him having a bag when they were out. "Where's your bag?"

"In my room."

"In your room?" Yong Ha paused, hand still halfway into one of Jae Shin's pockets. "You mean your room at your parents' house?"

"Mm," Jae Shin said again, burying his face in Yong Ha's pillow.

No wonder he'd been so intent on going back home at the end of the night. But he chilled out the more he drank, and the more he drank the harder it would be to explain to his mother, and the harder it got to explain to his mother the more Yong Ha felt like just dragging Jae Shin back to the dorm instead. (Anything but disappoint Jae Shin's mother. Anything but that.) "Do you have anything?"

"Just the clothes on my back," Jae Shin sang to himself, "and you, my dear."

"Shit." Yong Ha yanked open the drawer of his nightstand and rifled through it desperately. He had to have something, maybe just some over the counter sleep aid, a pack of allergy medication, cold and flu, a half empty bottle of soju? Something.

Nothing.

He rubbed a hand over his face and stared at the nightstand on the opposite side of the room. His roommate wouldn't be home tonight. Anything he took he could replace, no problem. It was an emergency. Right? Right?

"You're trouble," Yong Ha sighed, and got up to go through his roommate's things.

"'m great," Jae Shin replied. "'m fantastic."

"Nothing but trouble," Yong Ha repeated, and pulled a small pink cardboard box out of the drawer, squinting at it in the dim light. Allergy medication? That would be something, at least. Right? Just in case, he popped two out of the blister package and cradled them in his palm like something precious. "Sit up."

Jae Shin shook his head as vigorously as he could while still firmly faceplanted in Yong Ha's pillow. "I'm sleeping."

"You're not asleep. Sit up, I have something for you." Jae Shin didn't move. "Jae Shin, when I count to three -"

"Fine," Jae Shin sputtered, shoving himself up into a sitting position. He leaned his head back against the wall, shoulders slumped. "What do you want?"

Yong Ha pressed the two small pills into his hand and grabbed a water bottle from next to the bed, uncapping it with a twist. "Not your usual," he said, "but hopefully it's the next best thing."

Jae Shin peered down at the pills curiously. "So it's happened," he said slowly, his voice sounding suddenly very serious and very sober. He fixed Yong Ha with a solemn stare. "You've decided to poison me."

"Asshole, just take the pills."

"Okay."

"Christ, don't - don't chew the fucking things! They're pills! Normal pills, that you swallow! Oh, you did swallow them. You dry swallowed them." Yong Ha blinked. "That's kind of hardcore."

"I'm in the army," Jae Shin hissed, and toppled slowly over onto the bed. "I'm totally hardcore. I'm a killing machine. I can do two push ups. In a row. With my knees off the ground."

"Take your jacket off, killing machine." Undressing Jae Shin was like trying to thread limp noodles through a straw. Between the soju and the late hour and the allergy medication just now hitting his system he was practically boneless. "Have you been keeping dirt in your pockets or something? What's going on here?"

"In the army we eat dirt for every meal." Jae Shin shook his arm free of the sleeve before letting it fall to the mattress. He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his wrist before starting to pull his t-shirt off too. "I like to hold on to leftovers. Waste not want not."

Yong Ha tossed Jae Shin's jacket over the foot of the bed and turned back just in time to get hit full in the face with his t-shirt. "What are you -"

"It's hot in here," Jae Shin sighed in response, and stretched out on the bed - one arm over his head, one hand on his chest, one knee up. Jaw slack. Eyes closed.

Of course. It's hot in here, end of story. Case closed. Yong Ha stared at Jae Shin for just a second before cracking a smile despite himself, looking down at the t-shirt still rumpled up in his hands. It was old and stretched out, washed too many times but probably still not enough for all the dirt it had had ground into it over its years of wear. Every time Yong Ha tried to get rid of it (and all the other gross old shirts Shin held onto) it always reappeared again, like magic. Maybe this time he'd just try keeping it.

But then one of Jae Shin's eyes opened, just a fraction. "Yong Ha. What are you doing?" The words tumbled out of his mouth in a slurred mess but Yong Ha still jumped as though caught committing a crime. Jae Shin drunkenly patted the bed next to him. "I don't have the clothes on my back anymore," he said, closing his eyes again. "Just you."

The bed creaked under them. Yong Ha rested his head on Jae Shin's arm and stared at the ceiling. "You're going to have nightmares," he said quietly into the darkness. "Sorry. It's my fault."

"I always have nightmares," Jae Shin said. His voice sounded heavy, dark, like it was coming from somewhere far away. Yong Ha glanced at his face out of the corner of his eye.

"Wake me up if you need to."

Jae Shin crooked his elbow over Yong Ha's shoulders, pulled him in a little closer. "Mm."

When the nightmares started, Yong Ha was still wide awake.


	5. News from the home front

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: September 21**  
**Subject: News from the home front**

Good news! The roommate is back. Unfortunately he's insufferable so it's also bad news. Thinks he's tough shit because his dad is some military higher up. Your old chaebol clique in high school would've had him for breakfast.

Your mom says hi. She comes by every day and buys me lunch. We talk about you.

You should probably write her a letter or something. At least pretend you love your mom as much as you love me. Where's your filial piety? Did Professor Yoo teach you nothing? Trick question, I already know you slept through his class. I remember it vividly because I had to take all your exams for you while wearing an elaborate Moon Jae Shin disguise.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: September 23**  
**Subject: Re: News from the home front**

You could never get away with dressing up as me. You can't grow facial hair. Or any extra height. Or lift more than twenty pounds.

Besides, this proves that you aren't really spending time with my mom, because I write her more than I write you. We talk about you and how terrible you are.

What's your asshole roommate's name? My dad might know his dad. If I can provide social ammo for you just let me know.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: September 23**  
**Subject: Re: Re: News from the home front**

Ha In Soo? I don't know his dad's name.

Also I don't know whether I should be relieved or offended that you write your mom more than you write me. I mean come on, I'm your best friend for going on eleven years now - I know things about you that would give your parents heart attacks. And you spend more time on that WOMAN?! Ugh, it's like I don't even know you anymore. You're not the man I married. We're going to have to have a long talk about this when you get home.

So you talk about how terrible I am - not terrible and chubby? Just terrible? Have you come to grips with my rippling, rock-hard masculinity? It took you long enough.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: September 26**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: News from the home front**

Shit. I know him. He's a douche. I'm not surprised he leaves his dirty underwear all over the place. If the chaebol clique tried eating him for breakfast I might have been on their side for once. I would have saved you a slice.

Don't let him know you're there on scholarship. He's almost as bad as the upper tiers at Yojeong. I mean, maybe he's loosened up a little, but I doubt it. And you said he had a girlfriend? What woman could stand him?

Yeah, just terrible. You're a lot skinnier than I remembered. You used to have this round smiley face but you've gotten kind of thin. Maybe I was just remembering wrong or something. You just look a lot more grown up. Maybe you grew? I don't know. Have you been eating?

That's not a joke, I'm actually asking.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: September 30**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: News from the home front**

I'm not about to tell him. Or talk to him. You know those allergy pills I gave you when you slept over? The next day I put in a whole new box of the exact same kind of medication and when he saw it he totally grilled me about it. I told him it was a last resort but he got super pissy about it. Now he's moping over his ex and I could give two shits - she probably wore his slippers or something similarly unforgiveable. I don't think he's loosened up.

What are you, my mom? Of course I've been eating. Apparently I'm still growing, according to my alleged best friend who doesn't even know what I look like.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: October 2**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: News from the home front**

God, what a dick. Next time I'm on leave I'll come visit and put the fear of god in him.

Of course I know what you look like. I have a picture of you right here. I'm telling you, you got skinnier.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: October 2**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: News from the home front**

You have a picture of me?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: October 3**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: News from the home front**

Yes? Your email icon is a picture of you from when we went to Jeju last year. I see your stupid smiley face every time you send me another email.

It's kind of great, actually. I can pretend that somewhere out there, there are people having a good time and not smelling like sweat and filing paperwork all the damn time. When I get out let's go to Jeju again. I'll cover it.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: October 4**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: News from the home front**

That's a really long time to wait for a trip to Jeju.

Don't forget that I'm going to have to go into the military at some point too. It's not just you.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: October 6**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: News from the home front**

Go for a soft posting, with low chances of getting beat up. Don't act the way you normally do, with the twirling and the flirting. Army people will tear you apart, and I don't want to go to jail for murdering people who give you shit.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: October 7**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: News from the home front**

You think I can't take care of myself?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: October 10**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: News from the home front**

Yes. That's exactly what I think.

I forgot you were going to have to join the army too. I don't know why. Wishful thinking? Who knows. Just try not to get posted anywhere dangerous, okay? I mean everywhere is dangerous when you're as big a wimp as you, but still.

Either wait for me to get out so we can go to Jeju before you leave, or go as soon as possible so I don't have to wait too long for you to get out. This Jeju trip is happening.


	6. Have your midterms killed you yet?

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: October 26**  
 **Subject: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

With limericks, I may be lacking  
But no one can say I've been slacking  
I've studied quite hard  
I've kept up my guard  
And sent all my enemies packing.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: October 29**  
 **Subject: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

are you trying to  
get into my pants, Jae Shin?  
it might be working.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: November 2**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

If I wanted to get into your pants  
It wouldn't just happen by chance  
But full of intention  
and careful attention  
not leading with this song and dance.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: November 7**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

Ha In Soo thinks that  
I'm gay. Joke's on him, because  
we both know it's you.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: November 10**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

Who gives a shit if you are?  
As a prejudice, it's just so bizarre  
tell him Jae Shin  
will bash his head in  
if he tries to take this joke too far.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: November 15**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

While that's quite touching  
I must protest; he's the damn  
student president.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: November 21**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

Who would elect him?  
Sungkyunkwan student body -  
what were you thinking?

(Limericks kill me.  
Even fake haiku can be  
balm in cold weather.)

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: November 24**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

I didn't vote for this dick  
But I think I know what made it stick  
God only knows  
How he ran unopposed  
But now he just needs a swift kick.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: November 27**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

If you do kick him,  
please take video. I want  
to see him crying.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: November 30**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

He already cries every night.  
It's heartbreaking, really, his plight  
A victim of theft  
His girlfriend has left  
Though really it just serves him right.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: December 2**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

What woman - well, no,  
what human could deal with him?  
He may die alone.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: December 5**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

Jae Shin, I must say it's a shock  
to hear from you this kind of talk  
Does my roommate  
Deserve all this hate?  
It's not his fault he's got a small cock.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: December 9**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

Don't give him your time.  
He doesn't deserve hate, but  
he deserves love less.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: December 12**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

As much as I love this diversion  
I regret to report an incursion:  
My future's depending  
On finals, impending!  
So please dial down your perversion.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: December 13**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

I'll try this out just one more time  
for your sake, though it hurts me to rhyme  
but I must insist  
that this soon desist  
as it's far from a victimless crime.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: December 13**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

I miss you. But then  
I suppose I'll always miss  
when we were still young.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: December 15**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

Where's the joke in there?  
Sometimes you're too subtle, though  
I try my hardest.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: December 17**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Have your midterms killed you yet?**

No jokes here. I just  
wish I had a friend with me.  
Refrigerator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon Moon Jae Shin would almost certainly write sijo poetry (Korean poetry popularized in the Joseon period, particularly near the end of the 18th century) almost exclusively, if not entirely exclusively, but I don't trust myself to bastardize it in any recognizable way. Haiku, on the other hand, is pretty dang recognizable to most audiences and I've been writing fakey haiku since I was a kid.
> 
> And the limericks... well. Don't you think Gu Yong Ha would be the king of dirty limericks?


	7. Refrigerator?

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 18**   
**Subject: Refrigerator?**

Are you on drugs?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 18**   
**Subject: Re: Refrigator?**

I couldn't think of anything else to fill five syllables. So sue me.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 20**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Refrigerator?**

You'll be hearing from my lawyer.


	8. Congratulations, asshole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who have seen Antique Bakery, this is the chapter where the fic and the movie start converging a little. (It's still this chapter even if you haven't seen the movie.)

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 23**   
**Subject: Congratulations, asshole**

You graduated! How's it feel not to be a college student anymore?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 23**   
**Subject: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

A lot like being a college student, except now I have no concept of time and no external motivation to continue living.

I really don't want to just go into the army right out of college. My parents are cool with me taking a year off to travel. Where do you think I should go?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 24**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

Jeju is off limits. You can't go to Jeju without me.

I don't know. You're fashionable. Maybe Paris? You can drink a lot and take pictures with Westerners. They'll love you.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 24**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

You're the one who speaks French. I can say "hello" and "I'm very tired" and "I am a small potato" and that's it. How am I going to get along in France?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 24**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

I don't know, maybe you could try learning French. It's not the worst language in the world. And anyway you already speak English and French is basically speaking English with your mouth full of octopus.

Merry Christmas. You're having a better day than I am.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 26**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

I've tried speaking English with my mouth full of octopus and I guarantee you that it does not sound like French.

Merry Christmas to you too, jerk.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 27**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

Yeah, I forgot that Canadian girlfriend you had. What was her name? Amelia? Elizabeth? Something that started with 에.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 27**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

Emily. And she was from the USA, not Canada. Maybe I should go visit her instead of going to Paris. We parted amicably, I bet she'd get a kick out of showing me around wherever the hell it is she lives in that godforsaken wasteland of a country.

Do you know that she said it takes nine hours to drive from her hometown to the next closest city? I could get almost all the way to Busan in nine hours. That's ridiculous. And they don't have anything like KTX even.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 27**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

What are you doing up so early? Don't you know you're not in school?

I didn't like Emily that much, you should just go to France. Immersion is the best way to learn a language, you know. And French is a great language. Tastes of octopus.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 27**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

I couldn't sleep. And please stop talking about octopus in relation to languages. It's weird.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 29**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

What? You like octopus.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 30**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

Sure, but I don't like talking with my mouth full.

Are you coming home for New Year?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 31**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

I wish. Maybe next year.

So are you going to go to Paris?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 3**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

Plane tickets are booked. Hostel is reserved. You convinced me. I bought three survival French books and I'm trying to learn at least a little - I leave in two weeks and I still only know how to tell people that I'm a small potato. (I at least need to learn the adjective for "big," I can't have French women thinking that I'm not worth their time.)

Not really sure what I'm going to do there. I might just use it as a launchpad to travel around Europe or something. Want me to bring you back anything?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 6**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

Bring me back a croissant. Better yet, learn how to make croissants and then come home and make me croissants whenever I want. And I hope bringing me several bottles of wine goes without saying. Don't think you can go to Paris and then not buy me wine.

Don't lie to the nice French ladies. I won't be there to defend your honor.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 11**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

I buy you alcohol in Korea. Why would I stop just because I'm overseas?

You would be so embarrassed by my accent. At least you actually sound like you're speaking French - I just sound like I'm speaking Korean really really badly.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 14**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

You already speak Korean really badly. How is this any different?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 16**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

You're the worst.

I'm going to bed early because I have to catch my flight tomorrow morning. I'm all packed up and my mom spent all day crying about her baby leaving her and so anyway, that's what my life has been like today.

I don't know how consistent the internet will be at the hostel where I'm staying and I don't know how long I'll be there. I also don't know how common PC rooms are in Paris, or whether I'll be able to find them even if they do exist. I have a billion maps and sixteen different guide books and I don't know how many French phrasebooks. My luggage is filled almost entirely with books. I'll have to restock all my fashion once I get there, but at least I'll be in Paris, right? That's pretty much what you do in Paris: buy clothes. Or what I intend to do, anyway.

No promises on the learning how to make croissants thing. You've tasted my cooking. I ruin three minute ramen on the regular.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 17**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Congratulations, asshole**

You're probably on the plane by now. How bad is the airplane food? I didn't even ask what airline you're using. Maybe I'll call your mom and get the details so I can stalk your flight over the internet.

I looked it up and France is six hours behind South Korea. Which means if you stay up until 11:00pm or midnight we might actually be able to talk back and forth like almost normal people. Of course, that's assuming you'll have internet and won't be dead tired.

Your mom cried? Don't you have like sixteen older siblings or something? What's it matter if one of her kids goes overseas for a while? She still has a billion more to carry on the family name, right? Maybe I'll call her after all. We can cry together over how worried we are about you.

This will be a good opportunity for me to get closer to your mom.


	9. What have you done to me?

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 18**   
**Subject: What have you done to me?**

The army's incredibly boring  
and right now the rain is just pouring  
the barracks at night  
wouldn't be such a fright  
if not for everyone's snoring.

Limericks are horrible. I don't know what you see in them. I'm never writing another limerick again, not even for you.

  
**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 19**   
**Subject: Re: What have you done to me?**

Has your plane landed in Paris yet?  
Your silence is making me sweat  
I know that all ways  
to get there take days  
but isn't this why they're called jets?

  
**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 20**   
**Subject: Re: Re: What have you done to me?**

Limericks are so  
exhausting. Your plane has to  
have landed by now.

  
**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 21**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: What have you done to me?**

Finding internet  
in Paris must be a chore.  
Please get online soon.

(Sometimes I feel like  
I'm the only one here who  
knows how to be kind.)

  
**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 22**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: What have you done to me?**

If I had anyone else here to talk to  
this wouldn't be so hard to get through  
but instead I'm alone  
(I know, your mind's blown!)  
So please come back soon, please and thank you.

  
**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 23**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: What have you done to me?**

Yesterday I checked  
the news. No plane crashes, so  
you have no excuse.

There are no friends here.  
When I'm lucky, there's quiet -  
but it doesn't last.

  
**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 24**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: What have you done to me?**

It's probably just  
jet lag. When you wake up, just  
tell me you're okay.


	10. Bonjour!

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: January 26**  
 **Subject: Bonjour!**

I'm not dead!

The trip here was... it was intense. Long. Terrible. Two hours to Shanghai, which obviously wasn't too bad, but then I had a seven hour layover and no way to plug in my laptop. Then the flight from Shanghai to Paris was thirteen hours. THIRTEEN. HOURS. We landed on the tarmac in Paris at something like 1:00am local time but I didn't end up actually getting out of the airport until nearly 2:30 in the morning. And then of course the taxi took nearly an hour to get to the hostel. Of course. Of course.

I've already made a friend, though. French guy seated next to me on the plane from Shanghai to Paris. He spoke a tiny bit of English and I spoke a tiny bit of French and you know me, I can't sleep when I travel and I guess he doesn't either, so we spent thirteen hours watching movies and talking in a really horrible mishmash of French and English. But it turns out he lives pretty close to where I'm staying and he's offered to show me around and help me with my French, so that's cool!

He's actually a teacher at a pastry school in Paris. So maybe I'll get a chance to learn how to make croissants for you after all.

Sorry for the week-long radio silence. Wifi here is spotty at best. I finally found a PC room but it's tiny and smells weird and it's really expensive, so no promises on how frequent my missives will be.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: January 27**  
 **Subject: Re: Bonjour!**

You scared me a little. I was starting to think you'd been murdered on the mean streets of Paris or something.

International travel can be crazy. If I wasn't in the army I would've given you some of my sleeping pills to tide you over on the plane. So did you just pass out for a day or two once you got to the hostel? No one robbed you or anything?

Not like I could do anything about it even if they did.

This guy you met sounds suspicious. What's his name? What does he do for a living? (Wait, sorry. Pastry.) Is his mom as cool as my mom? Does he like kimbap? Don't trust anyone who doesn't like kimbap. Is he tall? How tall is he? Is he taller than me? Have you gone drinking with him yet? Can he hold his liquor? Don't trust anyone who can hold their liquor. Don't leave your drink alone with him. I don't trust this guy. What's his name?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: February 1**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Bonjour!**

Jesus, you sound like my mom. I have neither been murdered nor robbed. Everybody I've met has been pretty nice except for when they're too busy laughing at my terrible French.

The guy I met is named Jean-Baptiste. It's a super fucking French name and it's really hard to say but he doesn't want me to shorten it. I have no idea if his mom is as cool as your mom because his parents live on the other side of France, but he seems to think they're okay. I have no idea if he likes kimbap because I haven't managed to find a single Korean restaurant anywhere. I haven't eaten kimchi in two weeks and if I'd known this would happen I would have packed very differently.

He's really tall, actually. Definitely taller than you, absolutely taller than me - maybe between 185 and 190cm?

We've gone out drinking with some of his friends a couple of times. He can kind of hold his liquor but he starts getting sleepy after a few drinks. They mostly drink wine and they don't really drink to get drunk so it's not a very good comparison. The drinking culture here is really different. I'm younger than everyone else in his group of friends but they all pour for me and wait for me to drink, but it's not any kind of respect thing, it's like... they're waiting to see if they have to make fun of me, I guess? It's been weird to get used to. Watch, I'm going to get home in a year and immediately get beat up by a bunch of ajusshi for being disrespectful.

Everyone here is really nice, but I'm really starting to get sick of the hostel. I don't have any privacy and it's blocks away from the closest PC room.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: February 2**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Bonjour!**

No kimchi? Are you serious? I'm emailing my mom right now. I think my dad has some contacts in France, we'll figure out a way to get you some kimchi.

I'm glad to hear that you haven't been murdered. If you get robbed let me know, I can wire you some money if you need it.

Jean-Baptiste sounds really fucking French. He should just let you shorten it. Call him 전밥 until he submits to your superior willpower. Also how do you know his parents actually live on the other side of France? Maybe he murdered them in cold blood and just tells everyone they live far away. Did you ever think of that?

Don't trust anyone taller than 185cm. That is officially Too Tall.

That's very interesting about the drinking culture. Who are these people? Are they trustworthy? Do I need to get my dad's contacts to run background checks on them?

The most important question is, of course, have you learned how to make me croissants yet?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: February 8**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bonjour!**

I'm working on the croissant thing, I promise. I'm kind of doing a work study thing here so I don't have a ton of time for extra stuff, but I'm definitely going to learn how to make croissants.

You were right, immersion really is the best way to pick up a language. My French is almost better than my English now and I've only been here a few weeks. It's exhausting and kind of terrifying because no one here speaks any Korean at all and only a few people speak any English, so I've had to do a lot of miming and flipping through dictionaries while in line at the grocery store. But I feel like I'm getting it! It's not like speaking English with your mouth full of octopus, but it's more like English than I realized. The grammar, definitely. Subject-verb-object languages are weird. But the genders! Ugh, I thought English was bad with all the gendered pronouns, but in French everything has a fucking gender!

Every time I mess up a gender somebody laughs at me and it's usually Jean-Baptiste. Every time he laughs I call him 전밥 and he usually stops.

I remember when you were taking French in high school and your whole room was covered in flash cards. Just French flash cards, everywhere. I remember thinking it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen but now I just wish I'd collected all those flash cards and brought them with me.

Mostly the people I hang out with lately are Jean-Baptiste and his friends Remy and Jacques. They're all really cool. Jacques reminds me a lot of you, actually.

Dude, one of my older brothers is 186cm. What was that about not trusting anyone over 185cm?

Yes, I'm serious. No kimchi. NO KIMCHI. MOON JAE SHIN. THERE IS NO KIMCHI IN PARIS.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: February 9**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bonjour!**

God, those flash cards - do you know I was still finding them in my stuff right up until I left for basic training? The only reason I don't have them popping up now is because they stripped me down and scrubbed me and mailed everything that fell off back to my parents. (Coincidentally, this is why my dad now has one of my ears in his desk drawer. They really scrub you down hard.) I'd see if I could help you out but you might be more fluent than I am by now. I only spent a few days in France and I was with a whole group of Korean classmates.

Your brother is 186cm? I always thought he looked shifty.

Don't trust anyone who reminds you of me. I'm especially untrustworthy until you get to know me. Anyone who seems like me at first glance probably isn't trustworthy underneath. They're probably actually a shark in disguise. Or like a bear. Or a nine-tailed fox. Yong Ha, Jacques is probably the French version of nine-tailed fox.

I called my mom. She says she'll get your address from your mom and see what she can do. Three weeks is a month too long without kimchi.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: February 15**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bonjour!**

I got the kimchi.

Moon Jae Shin, you are an angel. A god among men. I mean it. You're the best. I'm going to... I have no idea. Pay you back somehow?? I DON'T KNOW. All I know is that I have kimchi and all is right with the world.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and it's the first Valentine's Day in years that I haven't gotten a ton of chocolate from girls, but Jean-Baptiste had everybody over at his apartment and we ate chocolate cake until we nearly exploded. I know you don't like sweet stuff but if you ever have the opportunity to eat chocolate cake baked by a real maître pâtissier definitely go for it. It's like... I don't know what it's like. I've never experienced anything like it.

No wait, it's like sex!

Well, hold on. I'll try to find something to compare it to that you've also experienced. It's like... a... massage? It's better than a massage. Have you ever had a massage? Maybe sometime you'll get a massage and then I'll be able to tell you that cake is better than a massage.

Getting closer to that whole Learning How To Make Croissants thing.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: February 16**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bonjour!**

Don't worry, I'll come up with a good way that you can pay me back. Once I figure out something suitably humiliating I'll be sure to let you know.

Also why the hell do you think I've never had sex?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: February 22**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bonjour!**

Have we met? I'm Gu Yong Ha. I know these things.

Because we were roommates for three years, for one. And also whenever you so much as look at a girl you hiccup until you pass out. Girls don't find that kind of thing sexy. I tried it once and she never looked at me again. Unless you were having magical hiccup sex in your first two years of university (or high school, perish the thought) I'm pretty damn sure you're a virgin.

It's okay, hyung - I know you're saving yourself for me. I'm honored.

I'm starting a new program tomorrow so I'll have even less free time. Maybe more money for the PC room, though. Sorry if my emails start getting less frequent.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: February 23**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bonjour!**

Fine. You caught me. I'm a virgin.

I'm not saving myself for you. I'm not saving myself for anyone. Gross. Don't call me hyung.

It's okay, I know you have a lot going on. Have fun, all right? Don't just do work study or whatever, really go out and have fun. Meet some girls. Get drunk. Have sex, or whatever it is you normal civilian people do. Just don't leave me alone entirely - your emails are the one bright shining beacon in my dark, dank world of unbearable army meatheads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story of the flash cards is a true story which happened to me when I took Korean. My husband and I still find flash cards every once in a while.


	11. Êtes-vous vivant?

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: March 5**  
 **Subject: Êtes-vous vivant?**

You weren't kidding about your emails getting less frequent.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: March 10**  
 **Subject: Re: Êtes-vous vivant?**

Hey, you're the one who told me to have fun. I'm meeting girls! I'm getting drunk! Okay, I'm mostly working, but I've found time for a little sex. I mean hey - I'm Gu Yong Ha! Sex is one of the many, many things I'm good at, and keeping it to myself is just selfish. I am nothing if not a benevolent god.

But seriously, I'm mostly just doing a lot, and there's pretty much no wifi anywhere. I knew we were spoiled in Korea but I had no idea how ridiculous it is outside of Seoul.

I'm speaking French pretty much full time now. It's hard a lot of the time but I've even started dreaming in French. Jean-Baptiste doesn't laugh at me as much as he used to.

How's the army?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: March 11**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Êtes-vous vivant?**

As fascinating as always. Still full of truly stellar individuals who aren't terrible. I almost wish I was stationed at the DMZ, don't tell my mom. At least there would be something to look at even if it's just the wildlife reserve. I could start bird watching, right? That sounds like something I'd be good at.

I'm more interested in Paris. What have you been doing? How much of your dad's money have you blown on clothes? How much sex have you managed to finagle out of those poor, poor French women? Please don't describe it, I really really don't want to know any details.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: March 20**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Êtes-vous vivant?**

Are you shitting me? You'd be terrible at bird watching. Five minutes and you'd be trying to bite through the nearest tree out of spite. You'd volunteer to clear minefields just for something interesting to do.

Let's just say that out of a random sampling of French citizens, 100% of them are really fantastic at sucking cock.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: March 21**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Êtes-vous vivant?**

Jesus Christ. STOP.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: March 24**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Êtes-vous vivant?**

Oh come on. Don't you want to know that I'm happy? What kind of best friend are you?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: March 25**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Êtes-vous vivant?**

Please don't talk to me about that. I need my eyeballs for later so I can't afford to gouge them out.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: March 27**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Êtes-vous vivant?**

I'll try not to share my sexual conquests with you in the future. But damn, can I just say that I am really enjoying myself? Because I am really enjoying myself.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
 **To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
 **Date: March 30**  
 **Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Êtes-vous vivant?**

That's fantastic. I'm so glad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Q: Hey Bazooka, do you speak French?  
> A: Ha ha ha. No. No, I don't. Why? Can you tell??


	12. Ne me détestez pas.

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: April 16**  
**Subject: Ne me détestez pas.**

My darling Jae Shin -  
I've ignored you for too long.  
Are you still alive?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: April 20**  
**Subject: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

You're getting better.  
Time was, haiku was beyond  
your understanding.

See? Even now I'm  
cutting lines in half to fit.  
I have been surpassed.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: April 25**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

If you promise me  
that you'll still see me, I guess  
I'll teach you my ways.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: April 30**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

I'll forgive a lot.  
What is it you've done this time?  
Do I want to know?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: May 8**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

I feel like I barely know Korean anymore.  
Everything in my head is French, French, French.  
I'm too tired to fit this into a haiku.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: May 15**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

You didn't even  
try. Remember when you were  
the top of the class?

I'm sorry that you're  
tired. I'll take you to Jeju.  
Hold on for one year.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: May 26**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

I learned how to make  
croissants. Don't ask me how much  
butter is involved.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: May 29**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

I won't. Just give them  
to me, and I won't bother  
with asking questions.

After the army,  
I deserve ninety croissants.  
I'll eat my feelings.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 12**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

Paris in early summer is incredible. No haiku about it because I feel too ridiculous writing a poem about Paris of all places. Jean-Baptiste's roommate moved out last month and I'm taking his extra room for the rest of the year. He actually has wifi! And a fridge!

Don't eat your feelings, your feelings always end up being a dozen bottles of soju and enough cucumber kimchi to choke a goat.

Is it rude to ask for more kimchi? Because I'm out.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 15**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

Hey - at least once my feelings ended up being four orders of samgyeopsal and both of our orders of jjajangmyeon. And once it was six hamburgers. And you're forgetting the kimchi pizza - my feelings have tasted like kimchi pizza at least twice. I remember it vividly because it came back up both times. (Never again.)

You're always rude. Consider it done. The kimchi will be on its way in the next 48 hours.

Don't let your guard down around Jean-Baptiste. He seems sketchy to me.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 20**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

You're right, I do remember that. THAT WAS MY FUCKING JJAJANGMYEON, YOU BASTARD. I'm still mad. You owe me four bowls - the one bowl, plus interest. And please never, ever, ever mention the kimchi pizza incident to me ever again. You may have had to taste it twice each time but I'm the one who had to clean it up. That alone makes your jjajangmyeon balance skyrocket. I'll let you know once I figure out exactly how many bowls that works up to.

You don't even know him!

And thank you. You're the best drunkard, asshole, vomits-in-my-bed best friend a boy could ask for.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 22**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

Let me know. I'll ship it to your parents while you're gone and have them stick all of it under your bed, ready for when you get home. When's the hottest day of the year? Do you still have air conditioning?

I don't have to know him. Just look at me - you have terrible taste in friends.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 26**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

I do have terrible taste in friends, it's true. Do you know one of my friends is plotting, right at this very moment, to plant literally dozens of bowls of jjajangmyeon under my bed for six months? The smell will be outrageous. I plan to move into his house instead. Probably have sex on every flat surface in his bedroom.

Moving day is in two days. I'll have wifi (wifi!!!) so if you send me an email right at 6am your time I'll get it at midnight if I'm still awake. Okay? Okay?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 27**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ne me détestez pas.**

You're ridiculous. Don't have sex in my bedroom.

Tomorrow, 6am. I'll tell you not to be late but I already know you won't be able to stay up.


	13. Second Interlude - July

"What even is this stuff?"

"Don't open it." Gu Yong Ha held the door open with his foot, his arms full of one single overloaded cardboard box. "You won't like it."

Jean-Baptiste Evan, mister Really Fucking French himself, glanced up uncertainly from the jar in his hands as he walked past into the apartment. "It's really red. Is this your language on the side? What does it say?"

"My language? You mean Korean?" Yong Ha kicked the door shut gently (using a little weight to get the ancient latch to click) and managed the seven unstable steps to get from the entry to the dining room table, where he set the box down with a hollow thud. "It says 'kimchi' - it's like... well, it's not really like anything you eat in France," he admitted after a second of thought. "It's like a condiment. Or a side dish. Korean people eat it all the time, if they can get it. It's the national food or something." He flipped open the top of the box and started rooting through it. "All I know is that even though that jar isn't as good as my mom's kimchi it's still the closest I'm going to get. Will you put that down?"

Jean-Baptiste was opening it instead, and made a face as soon as the lid came free. "Good god! Is this rotten?"

"I told you not to open it!"

"I think you need to throw this out. I think it's rotten."

"It's not rotten! Don't put it in the garbage!" Yong Ha dropped what was in his hands and dashed for the kitchen, where Jean-Baptiste was poised over the garbage can, kimchi jar in hand. It had only just begun to fall when he managed to snatch it out of the air, cradling it to his chest protectively. "I mean it, Jean-Baptiste. My best friend called in favors from the other side of the globe to get this to me. Do not throw this kimchi out. I'll buy my own refrigerator if I have to, but if you keep it sealed it'll be fine, I promise. Okay?"

He was aware of how silly he looked, the jar of kimchi pressed to his chest, but for just a second he didn't care. He didn't even care that he'd probably splattered some of it on his shirt (a fact that would probably shock and horrify his mother) as long as the kimchi was safe and unspilled.

"Okay," Jean-Baptiste said after a moment, smiling that half smile that got to Yong Ha every time. "You're sure it's not rotten?"

"Just fermented," Yong Ha said, holding his hand out for the lid. "Like... like a fine wine. Really, if you just keep it sealed it won't get on anything else."

"You sure do talk about him a lot."

"What?" Yong Ha screwed the lid on tight. Licked his thumb and dragged it around the lip to make sure any splatters were taken care of. "Who?"

"This friend of yours." Jean-Baptiste leaned against the counter next to the sink, his arms crossed over his lean chest. Yong Ha looked up at him, and was struck again (and again, and again, and again every day) how absolutely gorgeous he was - tall and slim, arms well muscled and tattooed, slender hips, dark blonde hair grown out and pulled back with a string at the nape of his neck. He looked nothing like any boy he'd ever loved before, certainly nothing like any girl he'd ever loved before, but he was tall and thin and gorgeous and just... really really fucking French. "Is he someone special to you?"

"Does a best friend need to be more than a best friend to be special?" Yong Ha asked, opening the refrigerator and squatting in front of it to burrow out a space for the jar. He was barefoot while Jean-Baptiste still wore shoes (even in the house!) and the tile was cold under his feet. He might never get used to not having radiant heating.

"I've known people with best friends," Jean-Baptiste mused, running a hand over his jaw. "Men, women. I had a few best friends when I was younger. But you really bring him up a lot. Did you two date?"

Yong Ha, halfway into the refrigerator, jumped enough to hit his head hard on one of the shelves. "What?"

"Date," Jean-Baptiste repeated, pushing off from the counter and leaning an elbow on the open refrigerator door. "Or did you just fuck?"

"No!" He shot upward, a chunk of cheese wrapped in plastic still clutched in one hand. "We've never dated, we've never done any-" Well, there was that one time. But it didn't count, right? They'd both been drunk (so drunk) and Jae Shin had fallen asleep before he'd even managed to get Yong Ha's shirt all the way off, and anyway Nothing Happened. (Nothing Happened was the story Yong Ha told himself over and over and over whenever he couldn't stop thinking about the way Jae Shin's lips had felt on the skin of his throat.) "Anyway, you have no idea how not okay that is in Korea. It's really... how do you say it?"

"Intolerant?" Jean-Baptiste offered.

"Intolerant," Yong Ha repeated after him, tucking the cheese back into the refrigerator and pulling the door closed, dislodging Jean-Baptiste's arm in the process. "That's a good word. I'm starting to like French."

"French certainly likes you."

Yong Ha pulled his shirt away from his chest and examined it thoroughly for splashes of kimchi - had he managed to escape unscathed? Ah, no. He would need to throw this shirt away; a stain like that would never come out. "I don't know what that means," he said.

"I mean you speak it well," Jean-Baptiste said, wandering out of the kitchen and poking through the contents of the box on the dining room table. "On the plane you could barely ask me my name, and now here you are six months later talking intelligently about homophobia in Korea." He paused, a roll of socks in one hand, and looked up. "Do you pick up everything so quickly?"

"Of course," Yong Ha said, flashing a grin. He reached past Jean-Baptiste and pulled out his small notebook computer. Set it on the table. Plugged it in. Powered it up. "I'm Gu Yong Ha. If I don't know something now give me a few days, I'll probably have figured it out."

"You haven't figured out how to pack a box in a way that makes sense." Jean-Baptiste set the roll of socks on the table, then pulled out a small stack of folded shirts, a miniature of the Forbidden City he'd bought in the Shanghai airport, two French phrase books, a cheap snowglobe with a miniature Eiffel Tower inside, a small package wrapped in brown paper and held closed with a collection of brightly colored rubberbands. "What is this stuff?"

"It's my stuff," Yong Ha said defensively. "I don't have enough to fill more than a couple of boxes. I'm only here for six more months."

"Why can't you stay?" The items began stacking up on the dining room table: more French books; a few maps; a red-covered, nondescript book that looked well loved; a few more small packages; a stack of letters with Korean writing on the envelopes. "Just for a while more."

"Mandatory conscription." The laptop sang a little song as the desktop came up. Yong Ha bit his lip and leaned in, then sighed a quiet breath of disappointment and sat back again in the chair. "South Korea's still at war, you know."

"Is it dangerous?"

"Mostly boring, from what Jae Shin tells me. There's been a cease fire in place since the mid '50s. But he's his family's only son so he's stationed in the south, pretty far from the border."

"There's that Jae Shin again," Jean-Baptiste observed, pulling the last few items out of the box (a bundle of scarves, tied together in an indecipherable knot) and putting the box on the floor. "Do you two talk all the time?"

Yong Ha looked up from the screen. "Not all the time. Not very often at all, really." He bit his lip and stood up quickly before wandering back into the kitchen. "He's my best friend. Friends talk."

"What's so special about him?"

He opened the cabinet next to the sink and stared at the rows of glasses. "We met when I was eleven years old," he said, and grabbed a glass out of the cupboard before closing it again, turning to look over his shoulder at Jean-Baptiste, who had followed him into the kitchen again. "Water?

Jean-Baptiste just waved a hand, shook his head. "When you were eleven years old?"

"When I was eleven years old," Yong Ha repeated. "I'd just started middle school at this private school. On scholarship," he added quickly. "My family isn't rich at all, I got in because I was top of my class and got perfect scores on the entrance exam. But this school was really exclusive and everybody was in this big... like layers on a cake, you know? I don't know the French word for it."

"Hierarchy?"

"Sure, why not. But I was a scholarship kid, so I was at the bottom. And one day in my first week some of the rich kids found out and so they came and found me and, anyway, I'm probably fine now because Jae Shin showed up."

"He saved you," Jean-Baptiste said, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter.

"Something like that," Yong Ha said, shrugging. "I probably would have lived. But it was pretty scary at the time." He paused thoughtfully, glass a few inches from his mouth. "Jae Shin was pretty scary at the time, too."

"Is he taller than me?"

"What? No." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "He asked the same thing about you. No, you're taller by at least four, five centimeters. Does it matter?"

Jean-Baptiste looked at him for a minute, not saying anything. Just stood there, arms over his chest, head cocked slightly to one side, eyes just a little bit narrowed. Yong Ha swallowed his mouthful of water and licked his lower lip. "What? What is it?" He glanced down at himself. "I know I need to change my shirt -"

"It's really sexy when you speak French, you know that?" Jean-Baptiste pushed off from the counter and stepped forward until he was only a few inches away from Yong Ha, who took a step back until his heels bumped against the lower cabinets. "Your accent is getting better all the time, but if it ever goes away completely I think I'd miss it."

"My French is terrible," Yong Ha said weakly, setting his still-half-full glass of water in the sink. "I'll never get rid of my accent."

"Maybe, maybe not." Jean-Baptiste extended a hand and rested it on the cupboard door just beyond Yong Ha's head, leaning down toward him. "I'm hoping not."

"What time is it?" Yong Ha said suddenly, his eyes going to the clock over the kitchen window.

"Almost midnight," Jean-Baptiste said. "Why? Are you expecting something?" And then his hands were on Yong Ha's hips, lifting him easily to sit on the countertop. Yong Ha's arms went up almost automatically to wrap around his neck, and when Jean-Baptiste insinuated his way between his legs he just sighed, arched his back, and let him. "An email?"

"France is six hours behind Korea," Yong Ha said breathlessly.

Jean-Baptiste smiled, and bent down to press his lips against Yong Ha's neck. "Speak French, darling. I don't speak Korean." He ran his hands up Yong Ha's back, under his shirt, until he was pulling it off altogether. "This is stained. I can't have my cute Korean boyfriend wearing stained clothes."

Yong Ha opened his mouth to say something snarky back but then Jean-Baptiste's hand was on his chest, his stomach, slipping under the waist of his jeans, and he forgot what it was he was going to say. "Fuck," he said instead.

Out in the dining room, his laptop dinged.

Jean-Baptiste paused and looked up, grinning. "Do you need to get that?"

"No," Yong Ha said, using all of his available brainpower to say it in French.

"Are you sure? It might be your friend."

"It's not important," Yong Ha insisted, not self-aware enough now to be embarrassed by how whiny his voice had become. "Please -"

"If you insist," Jean-Baptiste murmured into Yong Ha's skin. Slipped open the button of Yong Ha's jeans. Sank to his knees.

Gu Yong Ha forgot how to speak French for a few hours.


	14. Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 28**  
**Subject: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

Good morning - or rather good night, as is the case for you. I can only use the computer for a little while, so if you're not up to reply back don't feel too bad. Even if you were I probably won't be able to read it until tomorrow anyway. How's moving going?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: June 29**  
**Subject: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

Shit. Am I the worst best friend in the world or what? (Spoiler alert: it's the first one.) I was actually awake at midnight, I think, but with everything going on I completely lost track of time. One minute I was putting stuff away in the kitchen, the next it was 3am and I was lying on the floor with everything still in total disarray.

Moving is ridiculous, Shin. How is it possible for me to have collected so much more stuff in the last five months? I mean sure I've been buying clothes like nobody's business, but clothes don't weigh very much, right? Right? Wrong. They are heavy.

Also it's getting hot here and it makes me miss home.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: July 4**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

You? The worst best friend in the world? Well, at least you're self aware. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

It's okay, really. I wasn't expecting you to be online right then. Even if you're awake you always get really scatterbrained the later it gets.

What's it like having a roommate who isn't me? ... Have you ever had a roommate that wasn't me before?

Don't talk to me about missing home. Gyeongsang is so much hotter than Seoul, it's already almost unbearable and it isn't even August yet. I just really really really really really really want to go home. Really. Really really.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: July 15**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

He's a lot different from you. (Taller, for one thing - I never got a crick in my neck talking to you.) And the way we relate to each other is a lot different; I don't know what it is, but when you speak French your brain doesn't work the same way as it does when you're speaking Korean. Or that's how it is for me, anyway. I can't explain the difference very well, it's just different. And my vocabulary still isn't very big so half the time he might be making fun of me and I wouldn't have a clue.

He's less likely to leave his stuff lying around than you are. He doesn't drink as much as you do. He doesn't have nightmares all the time like you do. If he's pissed about something he'll actually tell me he's mad and apologize instead of just stomping around growling and looking like a thunder cloud - again, like you do. But he's also a lot less fun to mess with because he takes everything in stride. Soooo I guess that's one point in your favor? Basically having a roommate that isn't you is better than having you for a roommate in almost every possible way.

Oh, and he doesn't hiccup around girls. Also a plus.

He doesn't know me very well, though. And not only does he not speak Korean but he's also not interested in learning it at all - he doesn't even know how to say "hello" even though we've been friends for months and he hears me speak Korean all the time on the phone with my parents. He thinks kimchi is gross. He doesn't like staying up late and doesn't like getting drunk at all. Basically he's not that much fun and he keeps trying to convince me to throw out the kimchi.

I'm sorry that you're  
homesick. Take me to Jeju -  
hold out for one year.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: July 25**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

Way to steal my haiku. Is this how friends treat each other in France? What a terrible place.

You talk about this guy like you're in love with him. What other observations have you made about him? How does he brush his teeth? How does his hair smell? How does he take his coffee - or does he drink tea, like the kind of boring asshole he sounds like? If you're in love with him you need to know these things or your love letters are going to be shit.

Anyway I don't believe you. I'm the best roommate ever. Don't my sleeping pills pretty much take care of the nightmares? Or did you just give up on complaining about lost sleep?

Once I get out of the army I'm never cutting my hair short again. I hate it so much. If I ever say anything along the lines of "it wasn't so bad" STOP ME. It is so bad.

Don't trust anyone  
who would throw away kimchi.  
Guaranteed bad news.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 11**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

I was just borrowing it. You'd get it back after. Want me to write it down on paper and mail it to you? It might not even get to you until your conscription is up. I'd even spray perfume on it, just for you.

Don't even joke about me being in love with him. You know you're the only one for me, darling. (How are you? Is army hard? Maybe I should write you that letter after all. I'll put something scandalous in it.) Besides, he definitely drinks more coffee than you do, and I try not to pay attention to people when they're using the bathroom because that's disgusting. The army's warped you.

Don't lie to yourself. You're the worst roommate on earth. I only put up with you because we're a match made in heaven.

I'll let you do whatever you want with your hair. Just don't grow it out too long, you'd look like one of those rough and tumble types from a historical drama. It wouldn't suit you. Or maybe it would suit you too well? Hmm. Maybe you should grow it out, take some topless pictures. Learn some taekwondo. I'll watch.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 15**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

I already know taekwondo. And I'm not doing any topless pictures.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 18**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

That's good actually. I know you're saving yourself for me, and I'd hate to think anyone else got to see you with your shirt off.

It bothers me when  
you get too serious. It's like  
you're still fast asleep.

(Are your nightmares still  
around? I'm sorry I can't  
be there for you now.)

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: August 27**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

Stop the whole jealous girlfriend act. Why do you always do that? It was funny when we were kids, but we're adults now.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: September 9**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

I'm sorry. I didn't know it bothered you, I can stop anytime. It was just a joke - you seemed really down about something. You're right, though. It's stupid.

Remember last year on this date when you came home on leave and you drank so much? I was so proud of you for not throwing up. I wonder what Ha In Soo is up to. Actually no I don't, good riddance to that bag of crap.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: October 13**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

That was a bad day.  
Please don't listen to me when  
I'm like that, Yong Ha.

I still have nightmares.  
I'm good at staying quiet.  
I wish you were here.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: October 30**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

Haiku can't always  
act as your apology.  
Be kind as well, Shin.

It's getting cold here.  
Are you in the mountains, or  
down south near Busan?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: November 6**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

Further into the mountains than I'd like. No snow yet, but the weather report says we might get some here next week.

I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm so close to the end of my service I can almost taste it. I think I'm getting ahead of myself.

When are you coming home from Paris?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: November 14**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

Just in time for Christmas. My mom would have had a fit if I missed Christmas.

I'm homesick, but I'm going to miss Paris. Will you be home for New Year this year?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: November 14**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?**

Field exercises again, two weeks or more.

I'm hoping for leave on New Year. You'll know as soon as I do, I promise.


	15. Third Interlude - November

In the middle of the night, nothing moved. No whisper of wind. No sighing of some sleeping creature. No shifting of weight in the darkness. Just quiet, and nothing, and Moon Jae Shin on high alert.

In that tiny space in his rib cage, between his heart and his lungs, he kept a running tally - eighteen months in the army. Three months left to go. One month until New Year. Thirteen months since Corporal Lim started making his life a living hell.

It had started as nothing, less than nothing, negative space blinking in and out at the corner of his vision. A look between conspirators. A conversation behind hands. He had visited home on leave for a few days and when he came back there was something. A trifle, an annoyance, more something to brush off and ignore than to deal with right then, but now he found himself wishing he'd - that he'd what? Fought back? Made things worse? Was there a way he could have twisted out of it? Maybe not. Probably not.

No use crying over it now. It was what it was.

Moon Jae Shin bit his lower lip, chapped skin cracking and bleeding in the cold. He didn't dare stamp his feet for warmth, so he just licked his lips (blood like metal and salt in his mouth), shrugged his military-issue winter coat up so that the collar more thoroughly covered the lower half of his face, and made do. This night, like all nights, would pass into history, and when he slept next he'd have other things to worry about. Better things. Worse things.

A flash of white in the corner of his eye made him flinch, but when he turned to inspect it it just turned out to be a snow flake, the first of many. The weather report had said there might be snow, especially at this elevation, so maybe he shouldn't have been surprised. Definitely shouldn't be surprised. Hadn't he even told Yong Ha there might be snow?

He closed his eyes against the cold. The snow was starting to fall faster now, thicker - sticking to the fabric of his coat, the tops of his shoes, his eyebrows, his eyelashes. In half an hour he'd be done. He could go inside. He could take off his boots, his coat, his gloves. He could take a sleeping pill and go to bed and sleep without dreaming.

Somewhere halfway across the world Gu Yong Ha was probably starting to think about dinner. He was probably going to a French grocery store with his French roommate, buying French groceries to turn into a French meal in their French apartment. While speaking French, in France. Maybe his accent wouldn't be so bad anymore. Maybe he didn't still turn every Z into a J, every V into a B. Maybe he'd learned all those funny little parts of a language that you can't pick up, not really, until you're living it and breathing it and absorbing it through your pores all day, every day.

Had he learned how to cook, though? Jae Shin opened his eyes sleepily and stared out of his little hooded cave, mind stuck somewhere in Paris. He had always been such a bad cook. He could set fire to boiled water and overcook raw cucumber. Maybe his roommate was the one doing the cooking. Maybe Gu Yong Ha was like he'd always been, sitting at the dining room table talking shit and drinking while someone else did all the work.

Maybe he was writing some stupid limerick. Pressing send.

Moon Jae Shin grinned to himself, just a little.

There was a part of him (a tiny part, a quiet part, a part that had started growing in size and persistence over the past thirteen months) that felt a certain amount of guilt whenever he thought about Gu Yong Ha. He couldn't figure out why, exactly, or what he'd done, so he kept going over memories over and over and over trying to figure out what it was that was kicking up such a fuss, like prodding at a sore tooth.

Maybe it was when they were kids, when Jae Shin didn't pay any attention to the kid that followed him around. Maybe it was when he left for college and left Yong Ha behind at Yojeong High to fend for himself. Maybe it was when he graduated and left for the army, leaving Yong Ha at Sungkyunkwan University to fend for himself all over again. Maybe it was the day he stepped over the threshold and into the Nonsan army training camp.

Of course, maybe it was the night before.

  
Here's the thing about being lonely: if you're lonely long enough you start to forget you're lonely. It doesn't bite at your heels as much, doesn't whisper in your ears, doesn't tug at your sleeve. You stop noticing so much when you see people with other people. You start thinking in terms of Them and Me - no Us to cloud things. There's you, the darkness behind your eyes, and then there are all of the spinning, dizzying, mindless pieces of nothing that make up the rest of humanity. Sometimes, some days, you start choosing to be lonely because it seems like it beats the alternative.

It's so, so easy to just float along like that, forgetting more and more what it's like to be next to someone, to have someone you can call, who will know how your day was just by the look on your face. You forget to keep your guard up. You forget to make the choice, every day, to stay alone, to stay lonely.

And that's when someone breaks in.

It happens like an accident, a car crash. One minute you're lonely and the next minute the choice isn't about being lonely anymore, it's about sink or swim - and when your lungs are filling up with water there's nothing you can do to stop your muscles from straining for the surface.

So you're thirteen (and it's been five years), and you turn the corner, and some kid is on the ground, on the sidewalk. There's blood at the corner of his mouth. His palms are scraped up from where he caught himself on the pavement. His stupid uniform jacket is ripped at the shoulder and his arms are up to protect his face and six bigger kids are all on him at the same time. (It's been five years.) You forget to keep your guard up. (It's been five years.) You forget to be alone. (It's only been five years.) You forget to make the choice, and make a different choice instead.

Later, when you're waiting outside the principal's office with two black eyes and bruised knuckles, you try to rationalize that it's what your brother would have done.

You're fifteen years old and you're the same age as your brother was. (It's been seven years.) For two years you've been trying to be alone, trying to be lonely, but this same kid is thirteen now and in all your classes. His lunch hour is the same as yours and you gave up trying to scare him off a long time ago and he's the only one who will sit near you. He's in all your classes and his grades are better than yours so your mom invites him over to help you with your homework and you can't get away from him no matter how hard you try. But when you leave the house and he's with you, your mother doesn't look so scared. ("It's only been seven years," she says quietly to herself, when she looks into your room when she thinks you're sleeping.)

You're eighteen years old and only by the grace of god and some creative tutoring have you managed to graduate. You didn't make it into Seoul University, you didn't make it into Korea University, you didn't make it into Yonsei, but you made it into Sungkyunkwan, and when you walk across the stage and the dean hands you your diploma the only person in the audience screaming louder than your mother is that damn kid who hasn't left you alone for five years. You forget to keep your guard up and grin right back at him, and you're the only two people in the universe for that one shining moment.

Later you remember that it's been ten years (has it really been ten years?) and you're older now than your brother ever was. In your bedroom the pill bottle is empty and the pills are in your hand and the sun is going down outside your window and then that damn kid, that damn kid, that damn kid. He's on the phone and he's outside in his oldest brother's car (an ancient Tico that can fit two people on a good day) and if you don't come down right this instant he'll be forced to come up there and drag you to the noraebang by your ear so help him god.

So it goes.

You're twenty-three years old and it took you an extra year to finish up at university but you did it. The kid isn't really a kid anymore but you still think of him that way sometimes even though half the time he's more grown up than you are. Every once in a while you look at him and remember ten years ago when it was all you could do to get away from him, and how funny is that, anyway? because now all you want to do is be next to him (heaven help you) - at least until your draft letter comes and the specter of Nonsan rises in the south like a ghost.

The night before your first day at basic training you get a hotel room just outside of Nonsan. You get eight bottles of soju. You go to a restaurant and eat as much barbecue as you can stomach, and that damn kid is with you the whole time because of course he is. He has to be. And when you're both so full of barbecue you can barely stand, so saturated with soju you can barely walk, you somehow find your way back to the hotel to collapse in a pile on the bed.

On the bed next to him, you can't sleep. You stare at the ceiling and think about ten years ago, how it felt to be alone, how it felt to be lonely, how you don't want to go back to that again. There's this kid by your side now, helping you with your homework and helping you stay alive all at the same time without even realizing it, and he's who you call when you need something, and he knows how your day was by the look on your face.

"Hey. Yong Ha."

"Hey what."

"Are you going to stay friends with me? Even when I'm in the army?"

"Are we friends because you're so much fun to hang out with? Don't be stupid, of course we'll stay friends. As long as you'll have me. But Jae Shin -"

"Hm?"

"Write me sometimes, okay?"

"I'll think about it."

"... You're such an asshole."

You turn your head to look at him and he's right there grinning at you, eyes closed, face lifted up toward heaven like an angel in some renaissance painting and his throat -

\- god, you're so drunk. And he's right there. And you can already feel the loneliness creeping in through the cracks, as though tomorrow morning is already stalking you even here on the other side of midnight. But he's right there. He's right there, and you realize that you haven't been lonely for ten years.

This damn kid.

You're so drunk, and you're not thinking, and before you know it you're on your side and your hand's on his stomach, slipping under his shirt. Your knee is between his legs. Your mouth is on the side of his neck. The pit of loneliness in your stomach has opened up wide and it's threatening to eat you alive, so you reach out for him like a handhold on the side of a cliff.

He tastes like salt and smoke and lemon soju, and when he moves under you it's to arch his back and curl his hand over the back of your neck, and for just a few seconds you don't feel lonely. For just a few seconds you feel like a human being, and even though you haven't been this close to another person in fifteen years (don't think about it, this is different) and you don't know how anything works, you know deep in your chest that somehow you have to get his shirt off.

But he goes still under your hand, his body tense, and shit, shit, shit you fucked up. You fucked up. You fucked up. He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want you to do this. He doesn't want you.

So you pretend to fall asleep instead - hand still under his shirt, face still buried in his shoulder, knee still between his legs - and hope he just thinks you're too drunk to function.

Later, when he thinks you're asleep, he wraps both arms around your shoulders. Buries his face in your hair. Mumbles an apology so full of self-loathing and exhaustion that you almost (almost) wake up, hold him, smother the fear right out of him until he never thinks he needs to apologize to you again.

  
The snow had started to build up. Moon Jae Shin hissed a long, low breath through his teeth and the heat of it hung in the air in front of his face for a moment before dissipating. He'd be done soon, right? He had to be done soon. Somebody was going to come relieve him any minute.

"Hey, homo."

Ah. There it was, then. Jae Shin gritted his teeth and stayed staring straight ahead.

"You piece of shit, do you hear me?"

"I don't answer to that name," Jae Shin said, not moving a muscle.

Corporal Lim walked up to him, shuffling his feet in the snow, hands buried deep in his coat pockets. "You're relieved, you gay piece of shit."

"I don't answer to that name," Jae Shin repeated, trying and failing to keep his voice even. "If you have something to say then say it."

The corporal spit at Jae Shin's feet and rolled his shoulders back, grinning. He stood just a little too close. "Like I'd have anything important to say to you. You're relieved, I said."

Jae Shin saluted smartly, turned on a heel, and started back toward the barracks as quickly as he could without actually running. The sooner he could get a sleeping pill, the sooner he'd be asleep, the sooner he could escape the army for just a few hours.

"I don't know what's more pathetic," Corporal Lim called after him, and Jae Shin couldn't help but slow. A knot in his chest that he couldn't undo tightened around his heart. "That you only have one friend, or that you're in love with him and he probably thinks you're disgusting."

Jae Shin had never said a damn thing. He'd never said a word about the night before stepping through the gate into Nonsan. Even if Yong Ha had asked he'd say he didn't remember. But somehow they'd found out that he didn't have anyone back home except his parents and his best friend, no girlfriend to speak of. They'd found out he'd never had a girlfriend. They found out that the emails he wrote every morning were only to his mother and Yong Ha. They'd found out that when he'd gone on leave he'd only visited one person. They'd found out a lot of things, (all of them innocent), decided that they didn't like him, and set out to ruin his life.

He ignored it. Jae Shin squeezed his eyes closed tight, clenched his fists in his pockets. If he hit Corporal Lim again he'd get something worse than last time, and the time before that, and the time before that, so he did the only thing he could do - and went to bed. Went to bed, and didn't (didn't, didn't, didn't) think about eighteen months ago, and the way Gu Yong Ha had frozen under his hand.


	16. Field exercises are the worst.

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: November 28**   
**Subject: Field exercises are the worst.**

I don't think I ended up with frostbite, but maybe I did. I can't feel parts of my legs below the knee.

I just wanted to reiterate that everyone here is unbearable. Remember when I used to think you were annoying? You are an angel compared to these people.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 2**   
**Subject: Re: Field exercises are the worst.**

Dark times. There I was, trying valiantly to save you from bad grades and the inevitable wrath of your father, and what were you doing? Being an ungrateful wretch as per usual, of course. It's amazing our friendship survived. Due in no small part to my constant and unending selfless sacrifices, I'm sure.

I only have two or three more weeks in Paris and Jean-Baptiste is starting to get pretty unbearable too. He keeps trying to convince me to get a job here and stay longer even though I've told him about a billion times that I have to do my stint in the military back home.

I'll be home on the 23rd. Did you manage to get leave for New Year?

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 7**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Field exercises are the worst.**

New Year leave has been confirmed. I'll be home in the evening of the 30th and I'll get to sleep in my own bed and eat my mom's cooking and pretend to be a normal person. The end of enlistment can't come soon enough. I feel like a runner who keeps getting teased by the starting gun.

Your sacrifices weren't selfless. My mom gave you presents every damn time you came over for about six years or something.

Jean-Baptiste still sounds like a jerk. I'm a way better friend than he is. If he'd cared enough to learn Korean he'd be able to come visit you when you're out of the army. I mean, he still could, but it would be easier if he'd learned.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 9**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Field exercises are the worst.**

Your mom gave me presents every time I came over because no one else could stand you and I was tutoring you for free. It was bartering. You used to be a huge jerk. These days you're just a medium jerk, but your haircut isn't as nice so you're still equally off-putting. Did I mention that I agree to never let you cut your hair that short again?

Just make it three more months. I have faith in you! Fighting!! Actually don't fight. You'll get in trouble.

You would not believe how excited I am to eat your mother's cooking. Don't get me wrong, the kimchi has been a godsend, but it's nothing on your mom's kimchi stew. Or her bibimbap, or her japchae, or kimchi fried rice... oh my god Shin, I am dying over here. I have a week and a half left and I'm so close to eating real Korean food again. It's like they cook everything in butter here. There's too much meat in everything. Everything is heavy and, I can't believe I'm saying this, but everyone drinks too much. Wine for breakfast! Wine for lunch! Wine for dinner! And they all smoke!! The men smoke! The women smoke!! THE BABIES SMOKE! THE FUCKING DOGS SMOKE.

It's not that bad. I'm just exaggerating. But the butter thing is definitely true. Did you know that my stomach can't handle dairy very well? When I say I'm dying over here I mean that sometimes I literally think I am dying in the bathroom. I'm amazed that Jean-Baptiste wants me to stay after witnessing the complete and utter destruction I create in there.

The pastries, though... butter is worth it for the pastries.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 12**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Field exercises are the worst.**

That might be the most disgusting thing you've ever told me. Please never inform me of your inner workings again.

I've only gotten in a few fights and I've won almost all of them. I have to keep in shape for when you're back and I have to protect you from people who are stronger than you... you know, like babies. And old women.

Please please please don't even talk about my mom's cooking. I have three whole weeks until leave and if you think you're dying I must already be long dead and roasting in hell. What did I do to deserve this fate? Probably something horrible. In a past life I probably did something terrible, who knows what. Committed genocide, maybe. Kicked a billion puppies. Took the last cup ramen without telling anyone.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 16**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Field exercises are the worst.**

Okay, I took the last ramen ONE TIME. Once. And I could have sworn we had another case of it. It is not my fault you have the metabolism of a rabid velociraptor and can eat seven cup ramen in five fucking minutes. If you're looking for someone to blame on that one, may I direct you toward your father?

As soon as Christmas is over I'll go over to your house and help your mom make all your favorite food. Well, I probably won't actually help - like you'd even want me to. Surprising no one, all this time in Paris has taught me literally nothing about cooking. If anything I'm worse now. Well, I'm okay with ovens, but stove tops are still a mystery.

No wait - I can make crepes. I make a mean crepe. Do you like crepes? I know you hate pretty much anything sweet but crepes can be made all kinds of ways, sweetness not required. I'll make you croissants and then if you want to try a crepe I'll be ready. I'm the crepe master.

Don't get in fights. How many times do I have to tell you? I swear to god, if I'm not there to talk you out of trouble you're throwing yourself off buildings just to punch people in the face for the crime of existing.

One week left in Paris. Two weeks until you're home on leave. We can do it.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 21**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Field exercises are the worst.**

You're probably getting packed up for the airport right now. Did you buy enough clothing in Paris? Are you having to ship it all back in crates? If you're not wearing a different scarf every day for the next year I'll be shocked.

I know you've never been able to sleep when you're travelling, but try anyway.

I feel like this is the end of an era or something. You know? I don't know how to phrase it. I'm getting that kind of uncomfortable feeling you get when things start changing, like when you get a growth spurt and start outgrowing your clothes.

Scratch that, I don't know if you've ever had a growth spurt. Aren't you about the same size as you were when you were eleven?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 22**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Field exercises are the worst.**

I bought a lot, yeah. I was only able to fill up one box to ship back - I only have enough individual scarves to wear for a month or something, sorry to disappoint.

I'm waiting in the airport at my gate. I'm really excited to be back home and I'm really looking forward to seeing your dumb face again but I'm also... I don't know. It's really hard to leave Paris. I've made some really good friends here.

I'm not going to go into it in detail but I'm leaving behind some really... some really important stuff. Experiences. People. I kind of fell in love while I was here.

You know, with everything.

Of course I've grown since I was eleven. You're such a jerk. I miss you. I don't want to leave Paris. I have to talk to you as soon as possible, in real life, no emails or phones. Christ, I'm crying in the airport. What a fucking cliche. I really miss you and I already miss Paris and I don't know which I miss more.

Haha, welcome to Gu Yong Ha's Emotional Honesty Hour! Ignore me. I stayed up all night to catch this flight and I'm exhausted. Please don't make fun of me for this later.

 

* * *

 **Charles de Gaulle Airport**  

"And you're sure you can't stay."

Gu Yong Ha grinned and spun his wheeled carry-on around in a circle with one hand, kicked one foot back, settled his weight on one hip. His rubber soled shoes squeaked on the tile but it just blended in with the chaos of the concourse. "I'm at the airport," he said. Waved the paper in his left hand. "I have the tickets. I think it's a little late to decide to stay."

Jean-Baptiste just pursed his lips. Didn't look him in the eye. Busied himself adjusting and re-adjusting Yong Ha's collar. "You could come back," he said, sighing and giving up on the collar. He looked up to meet Yong Ha's eye, eyebrows quirked hopefully. "Twenty-one months, you said. That's not... that's not too bad. Not too bad of a wait."

Yong Ha nudged him with an elbow. "It's a long time," he said quietly, chidingly. "Don't wait for me. You have a whole country full of beautiful French people to fall in love with."

"None of them are you," Jean-Baptiste said. Reached out a hand, curled his fingers over Yong Ha's palm. "You're going to get cold on the plane. You always get cold when you sleep. Who's going to keep you warm?"

"They have blankets. And anyway I can't sleep on planes, you know that." Yong Ha tried to keep the grin up but it was getting harder. Jean-Baptiste's hand was warm and soft in that way he'd become so accustomed to over the last six months, and god, how long would it be until...? Until what? They might never see each other again. "You could come to Korea, you know. It's not like we're some kind of primitive wasteland. My laptop is nicer than every piece of electronics you own, and I got it second-hand three years ago."

"What if I did wait for you?"

"What if you wait for me and I don't wait for you? My mother is going to try to set me up with a girl as soon as the plane lands. She probably has six blind dates lined up for me already."

"None of them are going to love you like I do," Jean-Baptiste said.

"I know."

"She doesn't know you're gay?"

Yong Ha twisted his mouth. "I'm not gay. You can't love women the way I do and be gay. But no, she doesn't know. Listen, you're the first... maybe the only -"

"I know, I know," Jean-Baptiste interrupted. Opened his mouth. Closed it again. "I'm going to miss you. I already miss you."

Just look at the floor. Be okay. Be okay. "I miss you too," Yong Ha said, and that was it, those were the words. He closed his eyes and lowered his head so that he couldn't see Jean-Baptiste's reaction to him falling apart, but then arms were around his shoulders and he was crying on Jean-Baptiste's terrible gray wool sweater, the one he hated because it was so lumpy, but now it was part of Jean-Baptiste so he loved it. "I hate this sweater," he said, but the words were stuck in his throat and -

"I know," Jean-Baptiste said. "I love you."

Yong Ha stretched his arms up over Jean-Baptiste's shoulders. Pressed his face into the hollow between his shoulder and his neck. Cried in the airport in the arms of his ex-lover, like some kind of fucking cliche.

 

* * *

 

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: December 23**   
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Field exercises are the worst.**

Of course I'm not going to make fun of you. Don't worry about it.

You're either on the plane as I write this or you're just now disembarking, one of the two - all I know is that you said you'd be home today and now it's today. But, you know, inhumanly early, which is how we do things in the army. Plane time is different from normal life time, so maybe you don't know what time it is right now.

I know you've grown since you were eleven. Sorry I teased you about it.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Wait just one week, I'll buy you a drink or something.

You can cry in the airport if you need to.


	17. Six days

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: December 24**  
**Subject: Six days**

Merry Christmas, Shin.  
I'm back home and I wish you  
were here. Hurry up!

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: December 25**  
**Subject: Re: Six days**

You're a day early.  
That's Christmas eve - didn't they  
teach you anything?

So how is it to be back in Seoul?  
I'm impressed that you made it back whole  
Your talent for trouble  
Has possibly doubled  
Did your mother forget you're a troll?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: December 26**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Six days**

Jae Shin, you're the worst human being  
Are you having a problem with seeing?  
Open your mind  
And I think that you'll find  
It can be incredibly freeing.

Seoul is hard to get  
used to, after Paris. I just keep  
expecting something.

Christmas is shit when  
you're not around to bother.  
I'll wait four more days.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: December 27**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Six days**

I'm just jealous you're in your own bed  
While I'm expected to sleep in a shed  
My time in the army  
Has driven me barmy  
And I'm no longer right in the head.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: December 27**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Six days**

You've never been terribly sane  
Is there something wrong with your brain?  
Your penchant for fighting  
Is really quite frightening  
I hope that you'll someday abstain.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: December 28**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Six days**

I haven't seen you complaining  
when it's your ass I'm protecting  
perhaps when you get  
in front of some threat  
you'll wish you hadn't been so objecting.

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: December 29**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Six days**

God, your grasp of the meter in limericks is terrible. 'Complaining' and 'protecting' don't even rhyme properly. It was better when you weren't even trying. Remember that? I printed that limerick out but I never got it framed. Maybe that'll be your Christmas present.

Done right, this form is amazing  
The trickiest part is the phrasing  
If you can't make it rhyme  
at least most of the time  
then your limerick is gonna' suck hardcore.

 

* * *

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: December 30**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Six days**

I'd like to see you  
try writing sijo. It's much  
harder than haiku.

Heading to the bus.  
I'll try to sleep. Come by when  
you can, you hear me?

 

* * *

**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: December 30**  
**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Six days**

Wild horses couldn't  
keep me away. (Don't tell my  
mom I called her that.)


	18. Fourth Interlude - December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yong Ha and Jae Shin call each other's mother "Mom" partially because they've been close since a young age and partially because it's pretty common to refer to your friend's mother that way in Korea. The difference here is that (in my head, anyway) Jae Shin and Yong Ha are using the much more familiar "eomma" (엄마) instead of the more formal "eomeoni" (어머니) or "eomeonim" (어머님). If this fic were in Korean they'd be using banmal, like Korean kids do with their own parents.
> 
> If you're curious who you should be imagining when you read about Jae Shin's mother, just know that I was picturing her as Kim Hae Sook.

During winter (in that long, cold, gray stretch between Christmas and spring) early evening feels like the middle of the night. The sun sets at 5:30 and the dark folds in fast behind it, and when 6:30 rolls around your body thinks you should be asleep and the streetlights are all on but the houses are dark still - no one home yet to turn on the lights.

Except at Moon Jae Shin's house. At Moon Jae Shin's house, the lights are always on.

Gu Yong Ha peeled off one glove. Huffed on his blue-tipped fingers. Punched in the code that he'd had to call Jae Shin's mother for - she changed it every three months for some reason, and he could never figure out what the pattern was - and the lock on the front gate clicked. He shoved it open with his shoulder, hands busy putting his glove back on, then kicked it shut behind him with a heel. Like always, he waited for the telltale beep that told him that the gate was once again locked, the alarm once again armed.

The snow on the walk was fresh and undisturbed and he almost hated to walk on it. Had it snowed this much in just the time since Jae Shin had gotten home? The clouds overhead were thick and heavy, but it wasn't snowing again yet. Maybe when he left again later tonight he'd walk over fresh snow again.

There was a new lock on the door. Shit.

Yong Ha grimaced, rolled his eyes, pulled off the glove again. Reached into his pocket for his cell phone. Hit redial, and held it to his ear. "Ah, Mom," he said. "You didn't give me the code for your new front lock! I'm standing out here in the cold with only one glove on, do you mind-"

"Gu Yong Ha," Jae Shin's mother said, swinging the door open, her voice ringing in his ears in stereo. "What possessed you to only wear one glove?"

He started before catching himself and grinning instead, waving his unworn glove with one hand and hanging up the phone with the other. "I wouldn't dare," he said. "Why did you get a new keypad? What was wrong with the old one?"

"Don't ask so many questions." She looked down at her phone. "The nerve of some people - I was talking to a young man just now and he hung up on me. Can you believe it?"

"Some people's children," he tsked, tucking his phone back into his jacket pocket. "Ah, could I just... it's a little cold..."

She grinned at him and reached up to wrap her arms around his shoulders. "Get in here."

Inside the house was even more brightly lit than the outside. Every surface was white paint, blonde wood, pale marble, chrome hardware. It wasn't like the chaebol houses he'd seen on tv, all decadence and curling gilt - it was Eom Hae Sook's house, the mother of Jae Shin and the power behind the Moon family throne. Nothing out of place. No dust on the shelves. No superfluous anything anywhere - and everywhere, everywhere brightly lit and perfectly white.

He kicked his shoes off in the entryway and shuffled his way into a pair of white guest slippers. "Mom, did you get new house slippers? These ones feel different."

"You haven't visited this house in two years, and you think I wouldn't have replaced those old things?" She rolled her eyes and shoved past him into the living room. "Kimchi stew's on the stove. Go bother Jae Shin."

He paused in the middle of pulling off his jacket. Glanced up the wide stairs. "Is he in his room?"

"Probably sleeping." Her voice echoed out from the kitchen. "Can't blame him." A clatter, then silence. "Are you going to go up there on your own or will I have to drag you?"

Yong Ha hurriedly tugged his jacket off all the way and tossed it onto the coat rack by the door. "No dragging required," he called over his shoulder, making for the stairs and then taking them two at a time.

He remembered these steps so well he could have climbed them in the dark. It was muscle memory more than anything - something ingrained from years and years and years of daily practice. He skidded a little when he reached the top, swinging himself around, his hand on the bannister. To the left, the hallway stretched out and ended in the doorway to Jae Shin's parents' room. Just ahead, overlooking the stairs, the closed door that Yong Ha had never once seen open. To the right, Jae Shin's doorway. It was just barely open, and beyond there was only darkness.

The knot in his stomach twisted and he slowed to a stop, his hand inches away from the doorknob. Would Jae Shin even recognize him? It had been more than a year. He didn't feel like he had changed that much, but maybe what small changes there were had built up over time and now - well. Who knows why it worried him so much. He had so many better things to worry about.

Jae Shin's health, for one. How much kimchi stew he'd be able to eat before he had to get home again. How much Jae Shin would want to drink compared with the amount Yong Ha was capable of drinking. What Jae Shin would say about his best friend's clandestine homosexual relationship in France.

No, you know what... no. Maybe some other time. Not today.

Yong Ha clenched his jaw and gently pushed the door open. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust; only a single lamp next to the bed was on. In the darkness he nearly tripped over something - god, what was it? did Jae Shin still drop all his crap on the floor the second he came into the room? had the army taught him nothing about tidiness? - but somehow still made it over to the bed.

Jae Shin lay stretched across the mattress, on top of the duvet. One arm up over his head, the other hand hanging over the edge. One knee up. Jaw slack. Eyes closed. Not quite asleep, but nearly. His breathing was slow and deep in the way it was only before he dipped down into REM sleep.

Yong Ha sighed. Grimaced. Scratched the back of his neck. Planted one foot firmly onto the edge of the mattress and stomped on it energetically.

"Jesus Christ," Jae Shin croaked, and promptly fell off the bed.

"Didn't you get enough sleep on the bus?" Yong Ha padded over to him and dropped into a squat, prodding him pitilessly in the ribs. "You're such a lazy jerk, you'd think that after a whole year without your best friend you'd at least-"

"You're the worst," Jae Shin interrupted, flailing into an upright position. He touched his forehead tenderly where he'd managed to bash it against the floor. "When the hell did you get here?"

"Oh, thanks, I love you too." Yong Ha stood up and reached a hand down to help Jae Shin up as well. "Just two minutes ago. Your mom's kimchi stew smells amazing, by the way."

"Too bad I don't plan to leave any for you."

"I'll race you."

Jae Shin gave him an appraising look. "I doubt it. Come on, Yong Ha - you've been eating croissants for a year and I'm in the army. Do you really want to race?"

Yong Ha opened his mouth to say something rude, but almost immediately thought better of it. "Okay, that's fair."

They stood there for a minute next to the bed, surrounded by darkness, only one of the lamps on. Jae Shin looked exhausted and skinny, way too skinny, wearing a thin gray t-shirt, loose jeans (they hadn't always been loose, Yong Ha knew for a fact), no shoes or socks. "Hey. Gu Yong Ha. That sweater is the ugliest thing I've ever seen you in," he said suddenly, a smile tweaking the corner of his mouth, and reached out to pluck at the wool. "I thought Paris was supposed to be fashionable."

Yong Ha looked down at himself. At the oversized gray wool sweater, lumpy and horrible and still permeated with the smell of Paris, of the atelier, of Jean-Baptiste. "You're one to talk. Aren't those jeans from when you were in high school?"

"They're what fit," Jae Shin mumbled irritably.

"You think that's how jeans are supposed to fit?" Yong Ha tugged on one of Jae Shin's belt loops. "I could stick my whole arm down there. Hasn't your mother ever taken you shopping?"

Jae Shin slapped his hand away irritably, but if anything the grin had widened across his face. "You're such an asshole."

"I learned from the best," Yong Ha said, and looked up into Jae Shin's face. "You wouldn't -" he stopped, cleared his throat, felt stupid "- you wouldn't believe the year I've had."

Wordlessly and without warning, Jae Shin reached out and wrapped his arms around Yong Ha's shoulders, folding him into his chest. Yong Ha didn't know what else to do so he just let it happen, arms hanging at his sides. "I could say the same to you," Jae Shin said. "Don't join the army. Just... just don't. That's all."

"I'll tell the draft officer that, shall I?" Yong Ha said into Jae Shin's shoulder. "Yes sir I would love to join the army sir, but my best friend says I can't. May I be excused?"

"That's perfect." Jae Shin dropped his arms, took a step backward, dug his fists down into the pockets of his jeans. "Just say that, you'll do great."

"I'll let you know how it goes." Yong Ha sat down on the bed and flopped backward onto the mattress. Closed his eyes. Rubbed his face vigorously with both hands. "God, I forgot how comfortable your bed is."

Jae Shin sat down next to him stiffly, hands still in his pockets. He shuffled his feet on the floor and tried hard not to think about the way Yong Ha had just hung limp when he'd hugged him, and how maybe Corporal Lim had been right this whole time. "It's okay," he said. "It's got nothing on my cot back at the base, of course."

"Ha ha, very funny." Yong Ha laid a hand on Jae Shin's leg and patted him once, twice, three times in a decisive kind of way. "It's weird to be back in Seoul."

"Tell me about it. Well..." Jae Shin grimaced. "Maybe it's weirder for you. I'm out in the middle of nowhere but at least everyone there still speaks Korean."

"Bien sûr," Yong Ha said. "You'll have to talk to me in French sometimes or I'll get homesick for Paris."

"Je ne veux pas. Your accent is still terrible."

"Some French people I could mention think that my accent is very sexy, thank you very much."

"Yong Ha."

"Nn?"

"What did you need to talk to me about?"

"What?"

Jae Shin leaned back against the headboard, crossing his legs, taking his hands out of his pockets and putting them behind his head instead. "In your email," he said. "You said you needed to talk to me as soon as possible. No email, no phones."

Yong Ha opened his eyes. Stared at the ceiling.

Shit. Struck down in a moment of weakness. What had it been, anyway? What had struck him as so very, very important right then, sitting at the gate in the middle of the night, crying into his ex-boyfriend's terrible gray wool sweater and writing the most poorly-conceived email of his life?

The only answer was that it had been everything. He had needed to tell Jae Shin everything - the gray wool sweater, the early mornings in the atelier, the late nights at the kitchen table, the smell of bread on the streets, the way Jean-Baptiste... well, the way Jean-Baptiste did everything. But not today. It didn't have to be today.

So he opened his mouth and said the exact wrong thing instead.

"Do you remember the night before you left for basic training?"

The words hit Jae Shin like a brick - undoing him, overbalancing him, twisting like a knife in his stomach. For half a second he wasn't sure if what he wanted most was to throw up or die, but throwing up outweighed dying just long enough that he could regain some semblance of self-control.

"Not really," he said, and hated himself for how hoarse his voice was. But no, no, that wasn't right - if Yong Ha thought he was in love with him, if that was going to make him leave... how could he change his mind? "I mean... kind of. I was really drunk." Fuck. This wasn't working. "Listen, I never... I never would have done anything like that sober, all right? That's gross and, and weird, so don't worry about it, okay? I'm not some kind of weirdass homo. I was just really drunk and confused. Like seriously, I was half asleep. I thought you were a girl or something, I don't know."

Silence from the end of the bed for what felt like forever. Jae Shin glanced down at Yong Ha, chest tight - he wasn't moving, just staring at the ceiling.

"I was just talking about the send-off," Yong Ha said finally, his voice quiet. "Don't worry about it - I figured you were half asleep and dreaming. You think I've never slept in the same bed with you before? That you've never felt me up in your sleep before?" He was grinning, one of those lopsided smiles that didn't reach his eyes.

Shit. Jae Shin bolted forward, panic at the back of his throat. Had he really just admitted that he remembered? Not just that he remembered, but that it was what he remembered when he thought about the night before stepping into Nonsan? "Listen, Yong Ha -"

"Don't worry about it," Yong Ha said again, sitting up. He looked down at his hands in his lap, the way the sleeves of his lumpy gray sweater were just a little too long. "I was just gonna' ask if we could do the same kind of - if we could do something similar. You know, when I have to enlist."

"Of course, we can -"

"Don't worry about it," Yong Ha said again. (Again, again.) He stood up. "Don't worry about it."

"Yong Ha."

"Listen, I have to get going. It's getting late and my two oldest brothers are going to be home tonight and I promised my mom I'd -"

"Yong Ha, stop." Jae Shin wrapped his hand around Yong Ha's wrist. "Are you okay? If I said something wrong -"

Yong Ha stopped. Exhaled a long, low breath. Looked down at his wrist. "It's nothing." Slipped free.

He couldn't remember whether or not he shut Jae Shin's door behind him, but he remembered nearly falling down the stairs in his hurry to get out, get away. The slippers came off and he grabbed his jacket as he stomped his feet into his shoes.

"You're leaving already?"

He wheeled around. Jae Shin's mother stood in the kitchen doorway, a ladle in one hand. "Mom," Yong Ha said, trying to grin and wave and stick his arm through his jacket sleeve at the same time with mixed results. "I'm really sorry I have to miss your kimchi stew. My two oldest brothers are... I have to get home," he finished stupidly. "I'm sorry."

She opened her mouth to say something but upstairs a door creaked open and Yong Ha's stomach twisted. He backed away from her, hand reaching out behind him for the doorknob, and waved quickly before opening the front door and tumbling out into the dark.

It was snowing. His footprints coming up the walk were nearly filled in, but he didn't take the time to notice. It wasn't until he was closing the gate behind him that he realized he only had one glove - the other one somewhere on Eom Hae Sook's clean, clean floor.

Yong Ha pressed his bare hand against the stones of the wall surrounding Moon Jae Shin's house. Screwed his eyes shut. Thank god he hadn't said anything about Paris. Thank god. What would Jae Shin have said if he'd found out? What would he have done? Gross and weird were the words he'd used. Gross and weird. Gross and weird.

Every joke he'd ever made, every stupid flirtatious gesture, all of it came out of the ether to stick in his throat. His stomach hurt. His chest hurt. His throat hurt. His head hurt.

Gu Yong Ha knelt on one knee next to the gate of his best friend's house, and threw up everything he'd eaten that day.

  
Eom Hae Sook stood in the doorway to her kitchen, ladle in hand, and watched the door slam behind Gu Yong Ha before turning to look up the stairs where her only surviving son stood at the top of the staircase looking stunned, one hand on the bannister, the other hanging empty at his side.

"What was that?" she said, and her voice echoed in the wide open space.

"I don't know," Jae Shin replied. He sank slowly until he was squatting at the top of the stairs, one hand still on the bannister. He stared at the front door, at the slippers Yong Ha had kicked off in such a hurry, at the lone black leather glove in the middle of the white tile floor that he had left behind. "I don't know."

She'd seen this before, or something like it. The ladle dropped from her hand to the white tile floor and she didn't care. Her apron was covered in stains and she didn't care. Jae Shin was at the top of the stairs with that look on his face and it was the only thing she could care about, the only thing she could think about. So she left the ladle where it lay and went to him.

Hae Sook sat down on the top step next to her son. Almost extended a hand to touch him but pulled back at the last second. "Are you two okay?"

"I don't know." Jae Shin bent his head down to look at the floor and put one hand over the back of his neck, the way he used to do when he was a kid. "I think I fucked up."


	19. Hey.

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 1**   
**Subject: Hey.**

I'm really sorry about the other night. I don't really know how to explain myself. I was really tired and I promise that I didn't mean sdubgvkjdbkfjeqbdfnca I DON'T KNOW

You have to give me a little slack here - I'm not so good at talking, you know that.

Look, I'm out of the army in two months and then we'll go to Jeju and then as soon as your draft letter arrives I'll plan you the most ridiculous, insane, crazy send-off any new recruit could hope to have. I'll cover the whole thing. Invite everyone you want, I'll rent out a whole hotel if I have to. I don't care whether or not I like them, if you want them there they're getting an invitation.

If you don't want me there I won't go. Don't worry about it. I'd love to be there of course, but if you don't want me there I'll stay home.

I have to catch the bus back to base. I'll email you again when I can.


	20. You there?

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**   
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**   
**Date: January 25**   
**Subject: You there?**

You can't be that busy, can you? You only got back in the country a couple of weeks ago. Is your mom already setting you up on blind dates? Did you already get a job?

You left one of your gloves at my parents' place. My mom said she called you and left a voicemail but she still hasn't heard from you. It's been really cold, don't you need it?

Pay attention: I wrote this for you  
Though my talents for rhyme be but few  
I know that I suck  
and this poem is muck  
So come in any time - it's your cue.

I'm just so bad at  
that kind of poem. Can't you  
still try to teach me?


	21. I'm sorry about everything.

**From: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: February 12**  
**Subject: I'm sorry about everything.**

I keep thinking about that night. How can I stop? It's still with me.  
Just like then, it's cold outside. Everything is like it was then.  
If you can, please forgive my crimes. I'm alone now without you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyyy sijo poetry


	22. Postlude - March // RE: Hey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while writing this chapter I was eyeballs deep in Reply 1997 and couldn't imagine anyone except Lee Il Hwa as Yong Ha's mom.

Moon Jae Shin scuffed his boots on the pavement, standing facing the wall with his back to the street; one hand jammed into his pocket, head down, his jeans damp from the rain all the way up to the knee. Somewhere a few blocks over an ambulance went past, blaring the siren. The neighborhood Gu Yong Ha's family lived in was nothing like his own and he felt uncomfortable being here, like his presence was some kind of unwelcome intrusion on their daily life.

He felt uncomfortable in Seoul in general, of course, only a few days home from the army. The first few mornings he'd woken up at 4:30am sharp without an alarm and then couldn't go back to sleep. His mother had found him in the backyard, kicking a soccer ball against the wall again and again and again because he couldn't think of anything else to do. He couldn't remember what books he liked to read. What movies he'd missed. What he wanted to do. So he woke up early every morning and kicked a soccer ball in the backyard until he felt tired again.

It was a lie, though. He knew what he wanted to do, he just didn't know how to do it. Didn't know if it was okay, or that it would work. But today was Saturday and his mother had told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn't do something other than making an unholy racket in the backyard all day then she was going to tell his father to find him a job sooner rather than later, and, well. The only thing that sounded worse to him than immediately starting work was going back to the base in Gyeongsang, so he got dressed and left the house.

Hongdae was too busy, Myeongdong too crazy. Too many people everywhere despite the rain. Didn't they know people were supposed to stay inside when it was raining? Who left the house when it was pouring like this? Couldn't they just go home and let him kill time in peace?

The subway system had changed since the last time he'd had to use it, and he got lost more than once - if it's possible to get lost when you don't know where you're going, that is.

Maybe it was his subconscious, but he got off at a stop and it turned out to be Gu Yong Ha's neighborhood. Jae Shin looked at the sign for a full minute before making up his mind. He went to the coffee shop they used to use as a study hall in high school and got a black coffee like he always did. Halfway out the door he turned around, went back, stood in line again, and spent 6,500 won on the most ludicrously sweet thing they had on the menu.

The girl on the other side of the counter stared at the black coffee he was still holding, clutched protectively in one fist. Held up a cardboard to-go cup in one hand, a permanent marker poised in the other. "Triple-shot caramel mocha? With extra whip? And sprinkles?" She paused, and bit her lip. "For your girlfriend?"

"No, just... someone else," he said stupidly. "Not my girlfriend."

She grinned. "Should I put a name on the cup?"

He probably should have just told her it was for his girlfriend, but instead he shook his head, hiccuped, and paid the exorbitant amount required before leaving the coffee shop as fast as humanly possible.

But now Jae Shin scuffed his boots on the pavement, standing facing the wall with his back to the street; one hand jammed into his pocket, head down, his jeans damp from the rain all the way up to the knee. Somewhere a few blocks over an ambulance went past, blaring the siren. He held the triple-shot caramel mocha (extra whip, with sprinkles) in one hand. He'd gotten an extra cup to help keep it warm but it was already starting to feel cool against his palm.

Damn it. Now or never.

Jae Shin turned to face the street and stared up at Gu Yong Ha's apartment building on the other side. Now or never.

It always surprised him how few locks were on the gate, the front door. He only had to bump the latch and the gate swung open, and he was pretty sure he could just open the front door and walk in if he wanted to. For as long as he could remember his own house had been locked down tight and it was always strange to be here. He didn't open the door, though. He just knocked.

After a minute or two he could hear movement behind the door, and took one, two quick steps backward, just in case.

Gu Yong Ha's mother opened the door like an explosion, slamming it open and letting it bounce against the exterior wall. She always opened the door like this and Moon Jae Shin had never been able to figure out why - was it to stave off criminals? Let all the warm air out of the house at once? Did the act of opening the door make her suddenly furious for exactly one second? - but he'd learned a long time ago to stop questioning it and just get out of the way.

It took half a second for her to register who he was, but when she finally did she screamed a quick high note and burst out over the threshold, arms outstretched. "Jae Shin," she gasped, cheek pressed against his chest. "Is it really you? Are you finally back?"

"I missed you too, Mom," he said. "Um, the coffee..."

"Oh my god!" And she was up again, hovering over him like a hummingbird. "Did it spill? Are you all right? Is it hot?"

"Just a little," he said, waving his free hand in a desperate gesture. "I'm fine. It's not that hot. Do you have a towel?"

She slapped a hand to her face. "Look at me! What am I doing? Come inside, quick. I'll get you a towel." She pulled him inside and shut the door behind them. Waited just barely long enough for him to kick off his boots. Shoved him through the main corridor until he stood awkwardly in the kitchen, coat still on, and made him wait while she dug through a drawer for a dish towel. "I'm so glad you're back. Have you been adjusting all right?"

"Yes," he lied. The kitchen looked exactly the way he remembered it, smelled exactly the way he remembered it. If he closed his eyes it was like he was back in high school, sitting at the kitchen table, trying to do his calculus homework with Yong Ha at his elbow ribbing him the whole way. "Is Yong Ha at home?"

The towel slipped from her hand and he watched it fall to the floor. "No," she said. "Why do you... didn't he tell you?"

Shit. "Tell me what?"

Just like that, her face crumpled. She put a palm to her forehead. Sat down heavily at the kitchen table. "I've done it five times now," she said quietly. "You'd think it would get easier."

"What would?" He sat down next to her. "Mom?"

"Jae Shin, I'm such an idiot." She looked up at him and he realized, suddenly, how small she was - he'd always thought of her as being taller than him, like she'd been when he was a kid, but next to her at the kitchen table she was so small, so worried. "His draft letter came right before he got back from France, and I'm such an idiot, Jae Shin."

"You're not an idiot." Jae Shin set the coffee cup on the table and felt his heart sink.

"There was so much going on I forgot to tell him about it. He missed his window to defer."

Jae Shin stared at her. "So, wait -"

"I've already sent four of my sons to the military, you'd think the fifth wouldn't be so hard," she said, shaking her head. She twisted her fingers together on the table. "But he's my baby. He left for basic training in the first week of January. But Jae Shin, this time -"

"What?" What else had Yong Ha not told him? "What about this time?"

"He's in Afghanistan," she said. "They sent him to Afghanistan, of all places. He can't even come home on furlough."

Jae Shin stood up so quickly he almost knocked the chair over. "Gu Yong Ha? Our Gu Yong Ha? Why the he- why on earth would they send... I don't..."

"He got his degree in civil engineering," she said. "He can speak English and French. They're rebuilding there. He volunteered."

He put his palm down flat on the table top, leaned all his weight on it. Tried to steady himself. "He volunteered?" he mumbled to himself, staring at the coffee cup but not really looking at it. "He volunteered?"

"He probably didn't want you to worry," she said, looking up at him. "It was so quick. He left to go visit you before New Year, remember? While he was gone I got the call. They said he had to go immediately, that he'd nearly missed the deadline. We took him to Nonsan on the 5th of January."

Had Yong Ha wanted to get away from him that much? Had he fucked up that bad? He couldn't even remember exactly what he'd said. What could he have done differently? "He probably just didn't want me to worry," he echoed.

Gu Yong Ha's mother looked up at him, a funny twist in her mouth, then reached up to gently brush his hair back from his face - only a few weeks back from the base and it was already long enough to get messed up. "He cares about you," she said, her voice quiet.

 

* * *

**January - 2 months ago**

__**From: Gu Yong Ha [forestforthetrees@dareun.kr]**  
**To: Moon Jae Shin [crazy_bastard@dareun.kr]**  
**Date: January 5  
** **Subject: Re: Hey.**

_My draft letter showed up right before I got back from France and what with everything going on my mom forgot to tell me so I missed my window to defer. I'm writing this from a PC room in Nonsan, just outside the training camp. I enlist tomorrow. No getting out of it now._

_It feels like a sick joke, you know? You're out of the army in a month and a half, and I'm going in tomorrow._

_Listen, about the other night - it's okay. I was trying to figure out how to tell you about_

 

Gu Yong Ha hissed in sharp breath between his teeth and hit the backspace key.

 

_ Listen, about the other night - it's okay. I don't know how to say what I need to say. You'll probably hate me for this, but when I was in Paris _

 

No. No. No. Everything was wrong. Try again.

 

_Listen, about the other night - it's okay. I mean, it's not okay. But don't worry about it, all right?_

 

Fuck. Gu Yong Ha scrubbed his face with both hands aggressively before finally clicking the browser window closed. He'd figure out the words later. There was no way he could do it, not right now. Not tonight.

Maybe later. A lot later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's pretty much no conceivable reason a military private like Gu Yong Ha would have gone to Afghanistan - there were a few squadrons from South Korea who went for the rebuilding, but they were all the kinds of squadrons you had to pretty much try out for. More of a career military thing. I sent him there for my own dire purposes - and mostly to give him more of a backstory as a main character in later parts of the story than his Antique Bakery equivalent. Long story short, I know it's contrived but I don't really care, because if writing contrived shit for fic is wrong then _TAKE ME TO JAIL, OFFICER_


End file.
